Tuesday, May 14, 2013

They wanted the highway, they're happier there today. And for all Xfinity.

Two weeks ago, the people in this ad- all of whom seem to be related somehow (they do appear to be living in the same house, after all) found out that Xfinity had put a deadline on their great Double Play Deal.  Staring down the possibility of losing out on the opportunity to have unlimited access to online streaming, texting etc. etc. etc.-- not to mention unlimited excuses to never, ever talk to each other again- no one had to tell these people to Run, Don't Walk to their nearest phone (it was in their pockets) to call Xfinity and sign up.

Two weeks later, here are these people connected only by similar DNA and an address, sitting around the rooms where they used to share stories and jokes and concerns and fears and anxieties, and maybe a board game or movie now and then.  Once they used this space to talk about their days over breakfast and dinner, plan for the upcoming weekend, or drop hints about desired Christmas or Birthday presents.  Man, was all that ever lame.

Because now, the Sort-of-Humanoid lifeforms huddled in this suburban dwelling can ditch all that non-electronic-connectivity crap and stare at their own personal screens (why is there a big-screen tv on in the background?  Who is watching it?  Is it on only because this "family" feels the need to suck as much energy out of the grid as humanly possible?)  Dad, not finding enough isolation in his tablet, has taken to the attic.  Can't say I blame him.

One day I woke up and was living on a planet where every single person is celebrating the wonderful new technology which makes it possible to ignore people right next to you- not only impossible, but socially acceptable.  And this doesn't go just for strangers you'd rather not talk to at the airport.  Preferring your glowing idiot screen to family members is just a given now, a state we should be striving for with ever-increasing "connectivity" and broadband capabilities which allow us to run more and more devices at the same time so even if we turn away for a moment, we really don't.   Mom, Dad, Brother, Sister?  Been there, Done that.  Check out this game.  Friends?  Prefer the Facebook Variety.  After all, they Like you and let you know it.  And they don't hog the broadband, like these weird three-dimensional flesh-colored things hanging around your house.  They are all you'll ever need, trust me.

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