Sunday, October 19, 2014
Completing the KFC "Couchgating" Commercial
Turns out this wasn't a one-year deal; nope, KFC loved it's "Couchgating" bit so much that they brought it back for the 2014 NFL season. Isn't that awesome? But they didn't have time to tell the audience EVERYTHING that is necessary for a legitimate "couchgating" party, so I thought I'd lend a hand. Here's what they left out:
1. Magic KFC Bucket: This is the bucket of chicken which not only remains full, but is always Overloaded, no matter how many people already have pieces of chicken in their hands or on a plate. Note that in each scene in this ad, there are chicken parts everywhere, yet every bucket is spilling over with chicken. Because KFC doesn't actually overload it's buckets (they actually come with white lids which hide the fact that the pieces are smaller and darker than they appear on tv) you will need at least two to pull off this effect at your Couchgating party. I suggest three- that way you can give everyone a piece from the first bucket, then add the leftovers to the other two to make them look like they are bursting with chicken goodness. To keep the illusion going, refuse to allow your guests another piece. Their hearts will thank you later.
2. Ethnically and Sexually Diverse Guest List. This is really important. It's not at all necessary to have an equal number of men and women- you can have only two women, as long as one is an African-American. And just one African-American guy is fine. If possible, include a person of Uncertain Ethnicity to cover any questionable moments.
3. Totally tasteless friends who will eat anything: This is an absolute must. After all, you are serving up maybe $50 worth of greasy, mass-produced chicken- it would be a real shame if it went uneaten, except that it would keep those buckets filled.
4. Lots and lots of wet-wipes. The last time I ate at KFC (about twenty years ago) these were provided- but dont' take any chances. I suggest you lay in a large supply yourself; I think 20 per person would be a good rule of thumb. That is, unless you WANT chicken grease all over your couch and furniture as a reminder of that Sexually and Racially Diverse crowd you inexplicably invited into your house to eat poisonous fried junk for three hours.