Wednesday, October 29, 2014

The most depressing pool party ever

There is so much wrong and sad here, it's almost impossible to know where to start.  I really should get paid for this gig- but doing work I'm not paid for is kind of a way of life for me anyway, so....

This festive-looking gathering is one kid's graduation party, being hosted at his house by his parents.  The kid has a lot of pretty, racially diverse friends who have shown up because it's a good setting to talk about and demonstrate their phones and after all Hey There's a Pool to sit around.  He has more friends than these though because he and his guests keep getting texts from people who are NOT there- one even asks "hey, what's up?"  (I suppose the reply will be "I'm at my own graduation party, kind of awkward to let you know you weren't on the invite list.")

His dad can't be Typical TV Dad Stupid- he has to ramp it up a notch by claiming he can smell the picture of ribs that his son just took (doesn't occur to dad that what he smells is the ribs he is cooking, which are directly under his nose, oh no....)  Naturally, Mom is there to let Dad know what a clueless jackass he's being.  Of course.

Mom and Dad seem to be seeing their son's phone for the first time- I guess he paid for it himself at least- um, right?  Oh, who am I kidding.  Mom and Dad paid for the phone- they just don't know anything about it because Newly Minted Graduate Son picked it out, they just paid for it and continue to pay for it.

Now that I think of it, this isn't a party at all-just  a gathering of people who want to compare phones which quickly devolves into two camps- those who have this Cool New Phone Which Will Be Ancient Crap Next Summer and people who still have Last Summer's Cool New Phone Which Is Ancient Crap Now.  If I showed up with my LG Xpression, which I believe was the Must Have Phone of February 2011, I probably wouldn't even be allowed in.  And if I mentioned I didn't have a phone or didn't bring it with me?  They'd look at me like I was Unfrozen Caveman Lawyer.  No phone?  How do I watch tv?  How did I FIND the party?  How do I breathe?

Well, I didn't know how to start this critique, but I sure know how to end it.  All the people in this ad need to die and end their worthless lives right now.  Sometimes "harsh" and "true" are the same things.

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