Friday, June 19, 2015

Thank you, Listerine...

For at least sparing us the sight of this douchenozzle yacht owner actually spitting over the rail of his douchenozzle yacht.  That's something, at least.

As for the rest- I don't see how this is an advertisement tha is supposed to make me want to use Listerine, as it's being sold as a chemical so powerful that it will cause my mouth to explode and will actually rip the barnacles off my yacht, assuming I'm ever a one-percenter and can actually afford to own one.  I want to put this stuff in my mouth because......otherwise I might have slightly offensive breath?  Really?  So what's this guy's excuse- he's completely by himself here.  He's using an incredibly harsh chemical to impress his boat, or what?


  1. I definitely would not want to use Listerine if I got the impression it was like setting off a stick of TNT in your mouth, and can't imagine why anyone else would, either.

    The only thing missing from this ad is the part at the end where you see scads of dead fish floating to the top of the water (after the barnacles have been blasted off the bottom of the boat) and the guy stands there looking like "Hey...easy fishing! Kewl!"

    Then again, Listerine ads have been bad for years. The other night I watched an old one from the '70s. A father of the bride has bad breath, which his daughter informs him of at her wedding reception. He is shown going into a bathroom--still wearing his tux and boutonniere, mind you--and gargling with Listerine. And he's SMILING. Later, the bride is hugging Dad and calling him the best.

    I ask you: when's the last time in the history of the world that anyone in a wedding party ever gargled in a bathroom during the reception? And not only that, but looked cheerful and happy about having to do so? Never. I thought when you made a slice-of-life ad, it was supposed to depict a believably realistic situation. A bride's father gargling in a reception bathroom? Not believably realistic--any more than it is for Listerine to create an explosion in your mouth.

    1. 1. Why would he even HAVE Listerine available? I can see a breath mint. A bottle of Listerine? Please.

      2. If I was in a public bathroom and the guy next to me was actually gargling, I think I'd punch him in the nose. Almost as bad as the jackasses who think it's ok to gab away on their phones while in there. Pathetic sociopaths.

  2. Exactly. I guess we're supposed to believe the guy ran over to a drugstore or something and brought it back. Please. Nobody is going to do that. A breath mint or gum, I can see. Listerine, no.

    And you're oh, so right about people doing things in public bathrooms they shouldn't. I used to hate it when I'd be at a job and go into a stall after lunch and BAM, in comes some woman to brush her teeth. Now how am I supposed to do what I have to do with a clear conscience, knowing it's going to gross her out while she's brushing her teeth...that on top of me not really wanting to see her brush her teeth.

    Another thing that makes me nuts is the post-lunch primpers. I'm also going to be intimidated if I know a woman is standing in front of the mirror, has unpacked her entire makeup kit and a hairbrush, and is planning on spending the next ten minutes making herself look as perfect as possible.

    And phones? Forget it. I wish public bathrooms would just put up signs saying that bathroom stalls are not phone booths and should not be treated as such. For one thing, they should be reserved for people who really need to use them for the intended purpose, especially when there are lots of folks waiting. Second, again, who feels comfortable doing what they came to the bathroom to do, knowing that some stranger on the other end of someone's phone is getting all the sound effects?

    No. Just no.

    1. I think your "put up signs saying public bathrooms put up signs" idea is both good and funny/poiintless at the same time. If I've learned anything over the past 15 years, it's that cell phone users couldn't give a flying damn for "silent your phones," "don't use your phones," "please be respectful of others" etc. signs and "friendly reminders." I've seen cell phone users texting during movies (the glowing screen can't possibly be annoying anyone, right?) and blathering away in the middle of museums, cemetaries, etc. The first brain cells that are burned out by cell phones are the ones that regulate common sense and courtesy, obviously- because regular users show no concept of either. And I didnt' even mention the people staring at their laps while they drive because what's on their cell phone screen is infinitely more important than where their 2-ton vehicle is going.

    2. Oh yes, one more point- I quit the local YMCA because I got sick of asking people to get off their phones while working out on machines next to me AND using their phones while in the locker room (surrounded by CELL PHONES ARE PROHIBITED IN THIS AREA signs) and getting dirty looks each time. When I quit- costing the Y $75 a month, btw- I let management know exactly why I was moving to another gym- because they would not consistently enforce their own rules, and working out there had become too stressful, with constantly having to try to enforce those rules for them. To hell with that.