Monday, September 14, 2015

NFL's latest is especially depressing

Yeah because before Fantasy Football, friends never had anything to talk about.  They just sat around awkwardly trying to avoid eye contact in between texting and making phone calls.  Every once in a while they wondered "why are we friends again?  Oh yeah because Facebook."

And what did friends do before cell phones and Facebook?  Well, that's a pretty stupid question.  Obviously friends had not been invented yet.  Friends were invented by Mark Zuckerberg, and one's value is measured by how many one has on Facebook.  Without Facebook, how could there be friends?

And before Fantasy Football, there were friends outside Facebook but just to have someone to be with when you were talking and texting.  Just like before Fantasy Football there was still football, but people just watched the games without obsessing over "fantasy stats" and alleged big piles of money to be made by being a shameless loser geek online.  Man did life suck back then.

Coming back to reality- can we please admit that Fantasy Football is just another excuse to sit on your sorry ass and stare at a computer screen instead of actually doing something of value with your life?  Ok, it's fine if it's just a hobby, though a hobby that involves no movement other than finger taps strikes me as not particularly beneficial (notice that weight gain?  Sore back?  It's all about you being immobile, idiot.)  If it's so consumed your life that you aren't able to talk to people about anything else, well, I feel sorry for you and urge you to seek therapy.

Oh, and while you're at it, get a freaking life that doesn't involve following the accomplishments of someone else you don't know and will never meet.  It might include making some actual friends.  If that doesn't sound too awkward and scary for you.

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