Tuesday, September 22, 2015
"Your connection to emergency services can't be cut because SimpliSafe doesn't rely on landlines."
Seriously? I thought burglars just waited for you to leave the house before breaking a window and stealing your stuff. I didn't know that they were elite squads of terrorists who did things like cut landlines before invading and holding your family hostage. And what good does cutting landlines do anyway in the age of cellphones? What am I missing here?
Isn't this all about striking terror into the hearts of freakishly skittish suburban white jackasses who can't believe they own big houses, know damn well they don't deserve them, and live in a constant state of guilt that Those Other People are going to hit back hard some night in the perhaps not-to-distant future? I mean, if you find yourself investing in a home security system that is immune to having your landline cut, you are one step away from investing in a Safe Room and Glenn Beck Collapse of Society Survival Kits. My guess is that you've probably watched too many Die Hard movies and ought to just invite Stephen Seagal to sleep on your couch.