Saturday, September 3, 2016

Not just for watermelons, but definitely just for girls

"After you've served hubby and the kids their dinners for the 4500th time in the term of the contract you signed when you sold your soul to that jackass in exchange for that house and that yard, there's nothing better than getting up yet again and heading off to your kitchen (it's yours because god knows hubby has no idea where it is) to get the dessert ready.  And there's nothing that beats watermelon as a cold, fresh and healthy dessert!

But man, watermelon can be tough to cut up, and despite the fact that you live in the mansion that guy dangled in front of you like a pork chop in front of a dog you really feel kind of obligated to watch the family budget (after all, other than popping out children and keeping his castle clean, what else do you do??)  So pre-sliced watermelon-- that's a no-no.  We've got the answer for you- our amazing Get Another One Free Just Pay Seperate Shipping so you can cut with both hands at the same time watermelon slicer!

(Why would you want to cut with both hands?  Need I remind you that hubby- who has been shopping around for a younger model for a while now- is still waiting out there on the porch for his dessert?)

And look, no more struggling with the awful rind- now you can just dump it into the garbage to attract every fruit fly within two miles to your kitchen.  Sure a composter would make a lot of sense but your upscale neighbors wouldn't approve, so into the garbage it goes.  And even better- you can now be CREATIVE with how you serve up the watermelon to your lord and master.....errr, husband....and now that he's seen this ad, you'd better count on being just that.

Bet you thought you had the routine down to a science, didn't you?  Sorry, little woman- but we are never going to stop coming up with gadgets that hubby will expect you to use to make his life more fun and his investment in you look a little better."

1 comment:

  1. Never saw this one before, but you nailed the annoyance factor. The woman struggling alone with the watermelon, while her husband just sits there with the kids waiting to be served hand and foot...arggh. And how about the woman shaking her finger at the package of presliced melon as if it's been very, very naughty? Typical of the absurdity of these ads.