Tuesday, September 6, 2016

Would you let your kids stay overnight at this house?

...and the best thing about this emergency food is that it fits conveniently in the corner of any reasonably-sized fallout shelter.  Just stack it up against the ammo for the M-15s and the spare batteries for the flashlights (we don't need radio batteries, because we got one with a crank handle with our last subscription to Newsmax.)

And let's be serious, ok?  The two scary-serious white people in this ad ("survival specialists."  That's not creepy at all) aren't talking about power outages when they discuss emergencies.  Nor are they seriously contemplating The Stand-level pandemics or Earth-devastating storms, droughts or meteor strikes.  They aren't really worried about getting grandma her hot meal on schedule during a snowstorm, and they don't really believe that they are ever going to be cut off from civilization for months at a time due to any natural disaster.

Nope- what the scary-serious white people are really concerned about is convincing a very small population of jittery racist idiots that the election of Barack Obama is the beginning of the end of a stable society based on the power of scary-serious white people with guns.  The same jittery racist idiots who are responsible for the largest spike in gun sales (since 2008) in our nation's history.  The World is Coming to an End because we elected a black President and OHMIGOD we are about to follow that up with a female president, Get Your Guns and Emergency Food Now While It's Still Legal.   That's why companies like Wise Foods buy ads during college football game replays and Glenn Beck's The Blaze programming schedule.  That's where the older, frightened, bored, gullible and paranoid  people with money are to be found.

Man, I feel sorry for the children of people who feel the need to buy this stuff.  I mean, ok, if you live on top of a mountain or in an area where natural disasters are fairly common and you want to keep a few days worth of dried food in a closet, fine.  But again- that's not the customer base for this stuff, because dried foods are available at any sporting goods store.  This is for the survivalists, pure and simple.  Creepy.


  1. One more thing: I don't think I'd really want to eat this stuff if I knew it was 25 years old. Even if I technically could. If I were a paranoid race-war-anticipating Trump voter, chances are I'd buy this stuff intending to stock my "shelter," then end up cooking and eating it all within the next few weeks just because it's so "convenient" and I'm lazy. That's assuming, of course, that it actually tasted as good as it looks and not like moist cardboard. But I'm having a tough time believing that even if it would taste good cooked tonight, it wouldn't taste like moist cardboard after 25 years of sitting around.

    1. Good question!
      What's the science behind products like these, and how accurate is that science?
      Why should we trust the grandiose claims of those who manufacture this stuff?