Monday, February 27, 2017
Nintendo Switch- yet another way to waste the only life you'll ever have!
First things First! Don't even wipe the sleep out of your eyes or get out of bed before picking up your drug--- err, Nintendo game system-- and start your day of electronic addiction!
Walk around hunched over your stupid toy as you fix breakfast, and don't let your eyes wander away from the screen until you manage to grope your way to the living room, where you can stick it into a console and transfer the mesmerizing but stunningly vapid and pointless pretty images to a larger screen!
Then flop down on the couch in a posture which will play havoc on your spine (don't worry, you won't feel the effects until later, so it doesn't really matter) and idle away the hours of your life pretending to do something while your brain and muscles atrophy and life passes by outside your window (it doesn't matter- there's nothing out there but sunshine and people and other non-electronic stimulus, which means it's all boring and pointless and lame and doesn't even come with a cool soundtrack or extra lives like that game does!)
When you finally do get enough of your drug of choice, don't notice that another day that you'll never get back has passed you by, because nothing outside your cocoon had any meaning to you anyway- after all, it didn't include a single jumping cartoon character or castle or battle or anything that is really worthwhile!
(By the way, if this advertisement wasn't quite depressing enough for my readers, please check out the comment section. There really is no hope for the future.)