Monday, March 4, 2019
James Harden, Genius
So I guess James Harden is just fascinated by the workings of the modern microwave oven. Can't say as I blame him, it's not like microwave ovens didn't become common household appliances years before he was born.
He's so fascinated in fact that instead of putting the chinese food container in, setting the timer (five minutes? Have you ever used one of these things, James? That's not a large amount of food) and walking away, he just stands there staring at the window. I guess his plan was to just stand there staring at it for five minutes. Maybe watching it go 'round and 'round is super-fascinating for some people. I got over it myself, when I was, oh, five or six.
Harden's decision to just stand there and watch the food go 'round and 'round doesn't pay off however because when he sees the metal handle on the chinese food container spark, he doesn't do what 99.99 percent of adults would do- quickly open the door to prevent a fire or any damage to the oven. Instead, he just keeps staring at it. So first we learned that James Harden likes to watch chinese food containers go 'round and 'round through the glass window of microwave ovens. And now we've learned that James Harden is one of the one in ten thousand adults out there who do not know how to react when the item being heated up lets off a spark.
And then we learn even more about James Harden- when the container bursts into flames, he.....continues to just stand there and watch. He really, really enjoys looking at that microwave do it's work, it's so mesmerizing. First it spins food, then it sparks, then it turns into a little fireplace. And Harden just stands there.
In the end, James Harden lets out a little scream- I guess it's suddenly occurred to him- about two minutes after it would have occurred to everyone else- that something is not quite right here- and his response is not to call the fire department or get out of the house, but to let out a little scream. Dustin Hoffman in "Rain Man" responded about 100 times more intelligently to a smoking countertop stove. I'm frankly surprised that Harden survived his little adventure with the microwave oven- does a deleted scene show him being carried out of the burning kitchen like a mannequin by the local fire department?
And here's a depressing endnote- how much money did James Harden make in the time it took for that fire to start? Probably more than you make in a month. Understanding that you should not put metal in a microwave is an overrated quality. Being able to quickly respond to the resulting malfunction is also overrated. Being able to dribble a basketball? Here's some more cash.