Wednesday, March 31, 2021

The smiling liars at American Residential Warranty are at it again


Pretty much the last time this commercial is honest is just a few seconds in, when we the invisible audience are asked if we know that appliances can cost a lot of money to fix or replace.  Um, yes.  We know this.  Thanks for playing.

And then....the lying by omission/sleight of hand begins.

Know what American Residential Warranty (be free to confuse it with American Home Shield, because it's basically the same scummy, scammy company) offers?  Well, ARW "can" "help" with repairs to those appliances that are always breaking down and forcing you to reach for your checkbook (because in the weird world of Home Warranty Commercials, even customers who are clearly under the age of 50 still use CHECKS to pay repair bills.) 

The service plans start at "less than a dollar a day."  And considering that the BEST plans offered by these sleazebags cover next to nothing, that rock-bottom price service plan is the very best deal they've got going.  If I'm going to get a big fat "no, sorry" every time I call ARW to file a claim, I'm going to want to pay as little as possible, thanks very much.

"You pay a small service fee..." I'm so sorry, this is another little shred of honesty I originally overlooked.  Because this is how warranties work, I guess:  you pay for the warranty, and then you pay again to use it.  Whether you end up getting the appliance in question covered or not.  See, that way, ARW makes money when you pay your premium AND when an appliance breaks.  It's clear how much this, someone.  Someone who is not you.

"I woke up on a Saturday morning and there was no hot water in the shower..." good thing, considering you were walking into that shower wearing a towel.  I mean, that's just weird, lady.  

"All covered repairs will be taken care of."  This is the sleight of hand I referred to earlier.  If you give me thirty dollars a month, I'll take care of all covered repairs too.  

"Call now, there's no obligation."  Um, no kidding.  Who the hell has to be told that just calling for information doesn't obligate one to purchase anything?  Oh, right- old people.  Old people who feel guilty because they "took so much time" from the "nice person on the phone."  Old people who go through every day afraid that they are one mechanical failure away from a big bill they can't afford.  

Ugh, I hate these people so much.  Extended warranties NEVER pay.  Home Appliance Warranties are even worse.  At the very most, if you really don't mind paying too much for peace of mind, go ahead and get several separate warranties from the people who sold you your washer and dryer, dishwasher, furnace, A/C, etc.  Do NOT blow your money with one of these "one size covers nothing" deals.   Send me your money instead.  I'll take care of all covered repairs.  Thirty bucks a month. 

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