Friday, April 2, 2021

Terrance,, and ten reasons I don't give a flip


1.  Kids are not hobbies.  I know this was a throwaway line meant to make you endearing and relatable, but it fell flat.  And it gets even flatter when we hear your pathetic story later.

2.  "I worked for the Ford Motor Industry, and as you know that took a big hit.  I got into real estate..." wait, hold up.  You lost your job in the auto industry, and your first move was to get into house flipping?  I have less and less sympathy for you by the SECOND.

3.  "It kind of pushed my situation back so I had to file bankruptcy...." that's an interesting way to put it. You had no job, so you got into real estate, and it "pushed your situation back" (you took a bad situation and through a really stupid, irresponsible decision you made it worse.)  And then you had to file bankruptcy.  Uh huh.  The sympathy well is bone dry, and I'm moving closer to "F-- off with the sob story" territory.

4.  "And that's the first time I was told what my credit really was....being really young...." now we are digging UNDERNEATH the sympathy well.  This assclown lost his job, got into real estate...and didn't know what his credit was.  Glad you took the time to produce children too, because it demonstrates that there's at least one adult out there even dumber and more irresponsible than you are.  

5.  "About three or four months ago, I started thinking about buying a new house..." we are less than a minute in to a two-minute commercial, and I'm already so very done with this guy.  And I just KNOW we are going to hear the word "deserved" used unironically before this is over.

6.  "My score was...well, I don't want to say it was poor...well yeah, it was poor.  And that's when I decided to get into getting the score fixed."  The score wasn't broken, moron.  It was exactly where it should be for a guy who declared bankruptcy.  The score is there to protect creditors from bad risks.  You admitted you are a bad risk.  

7.  "We had a good conversation....when I see a deletion, I know it's not just sitting there, and they are doing what they are supposed to be doing."  They are supposed to be removing warning flags from your credit report, so you can screw over future creditors?  "I have a sense of gratitude..." yeah, I bet you do.

8.  "I feel like it's a time saver, it's worth...whatever the cost is..." just keep digging, buddy.  You don't know how much this is costing you, and you DON'T CARE because it's a "time saver."  This guy has learned absolutely nothing from his experience.  He got into severe credit difficulties because he was in a hurry, and now he's in a hurry to get those difficulties fixed- and, again, Cost Be Damned because hell, if it turns out to be too much, there's always bankruptcy court, right?  Terrance probably has the number on speed dial by now.

9.  He's going to "sit down and show his kids what good credit is."  And how to get it, right?  I want to be in the room when that conversation happens:  "See, kids, it's ok to f--k up and make really dumb financial moves because you can just declare bankruptcy and call a credit repair service and they'll make it all go away for money which doesn't mean anything because you don't have it anyway."  And the damage is passed to the next generation.

10.  "Thanks to I'll be able to get that house my wife has been on my about...." why the hell did she marry your sad, sorry ass if she wanted a house so badly?  Where you completely honest with her about your situation before she tied herself to your pathetic life and lousy credit?  And I'm sorry, but even if your credit is "repaired," that prior bankruptcy is still going to be there- who the hell is going to hand you a chunk of money to buy a house?  Seriously, what the hell is the matter with you? 

And why didn't you say the word "deserve" like I thought for sure you would?  Every other person in these ads uses the word "deserve," because somehow borrowing money and not paying it back equals "deserve more credit at a decent interest rate."  Because I live on Mars and I'm constantly taking Crazy Pills.  Enjoy getting bitch-slapped by reality when you go for that home loan, Terrance. 

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