Friday, May 21, 2010

"Eureka" This, you smarmy little prick

Why is this my least favorite of the apparently infinite "Eureka Moment" natural gas commercials?

Maybe it's the condescending smirk/half-suppressed laugh this guy opens his little monologue with- "Sure, Wind and Solar are important (snigger)....but (HELLO!) it's not always breezy and the sun....sets."

Thank you, Mr. Smug Non-Scientist. None of us were aware of these "drawbacks." I'm sure all believed that the wind is always blowing and the sun is always shining.

Maybe it's the "we need a reliable, consistent source of energy." Who is this "We?" Each and every one of these commercials comes packaged with the false notion that "America's Natural Gas" is actually America's Natural Gas- that if we just started drilling for it, when it came out of the ground it would belong to us, and NOT some massive corporation which would instantly put it on the world market, on sale to the highest bidder, JUST LIKE OIL IS NOW. Unless you are calling for the Nationalization of the Natural Gas Industry (and trust me, the people buying these commercials are doing no such thing) this amazing source of energy, which exists "right under our feet," will be as much "ours" as Saudi Oil is right now. And speaking of oil...

Maybe it's the fact that while wind and solar are constantly dismissed as Let's-Face-It-Really-Stupid-Nonstarters in these ads, oil never is. In fact, in most commercials, the weekend teapartier giving us his non-expert take on the situation remarks "we've got LOTS of oil...." (there's that "we" again.) Yes, and we all know how easy and cheap and safe it is to get oil out of the ground now, don't we? These guys couldn't make it more obvious that what they REALLY want is more drilling rights for oil, and oh by the way we'll be getting to all that wonderful natural gas sometime in the future...when it's practical....and that's when you can expect those hundreds of thousands of jobs, too. Right around the corner. And when we decide to go after that gas- that's going to be really easy, right? Not like collecting energy from wind and solar power. Just stick a straw in the ground, and out the gas comes, right? Right? I mean, at least you can drill when there's no wind and the sun is down- which makes oil and gas more practical, right? And besides...

"It's twice as clean as coal." Yes, and a Big Mac has fewer calories than a bucket of KFC. Is that an effective pitch for an All-Big Mac Diet? Really? Here's a tip- want to be taken seriously? Don't compare the "cleanliness" of your product to coal. There's almost nothing DIRTIER than coal. This guy looks about twice as smart as Sarah Palin. Tell him I said that, and see if he takes it as a compliment.

But I think it's probably the "Eureka Baby" this ass signs off with. Why "Eureka, Baby?" None of the other spokeschoads uses the term "baby." Is this the way the makers of the commercials think that young, hip black guys talk here in America? Should I just be thankful the guy isnt' wearing his pants around his knees, has a ring on each finger and doesn't punctuate his opening smirk with "Yo, Listen Up Dawg?" I mean, can we BE a little more insulting, "America's Natural Gas?"

I've seen about half a dozen of these horrible commercials, and they all rub me the wrong way because they all carry the same nasty message- "hey morons, the answer is right under your feet. Why can't you see it, retards? Wind and Solar? Haha that's cute, what are you, a bunch of tree-hugging Obama-voting Gore Losermans who want us to live in caves?"

And if you look really closely into the blue screen, I'm pretty sure you can make out the real message: "Drill Baby Drill."

Eureka, Baby.


  1. At least he's not flogging the Alberta tar sands; to use your fast food analogy, we can compare dredging those up to a diet of deep-fried sticks of butter.

  2. Is that your natural gas, or mine? Nope, it belongs to Boone Pickens. Now, ask yourself who paid for these commercials?

    So the sun sets and the wind doesn't always blow. Ever hear of batteries, which are designed to collect and save the power generated during the times when those things DO work, so that you can draw on the reserve when they don't?

    In addition, so the sun doesn't always shine and the wind doesn't always blow -- well, the supply of natural gas isn't infinite, either, idiot.

  3. Very good, John. Well stated. These ads, all of them, "rub me the wrong way" and for some of the same reasons. But, I think what irritates me most is the perpetration of utter deception, pitching the false narrative of natural gas being a "clean/no problem/unlimited energy source.
    If you begin looking into it; even the slightest bit of research easily shatters this notion. Especially when considering the methods they use for the drilling, tapping and extraction of this "clean 'eureka' fuel." Hydraulic fracturing, or "Fracking" is a dirty bit-o-business. Although mostly ignored in the msm, and the main-stream press; there are many informative articles and news reports out there. Here's one...
    And another...