Tuesday, February 22, 2011

So much to hate, so little time to post. Thanks for Nothing, Sprint!

Good lord, what is going on in this commercial?

We've got what might laughingly be referred to as a "family" sitting around the table in a disturbingly bright, unnaturally clean suburban mansion-- I guess they are eating dinner, except this lifeless, pale group of zombies is clearly so drained of life that all they can do is mumble questions softly in between texting away on their stupid phones.

This is a seriously sad advertisement for Sprint's Now Network, apparently set sometime in the very near future, in which people can only communicate through Facebook posts and Tweets even when they are sitting two freaking feet away from each other. This would be downright heartbreaking, except....why would anyone want to communicate with these people AT ALL?

Husband: "you just posted on your Facebook page that your parents are moving in with us?" (The parents would be elderly people sitting at the table....either they are drunk, or this is what long-term exposure to these life-sucking dickweeds does to you...)

Wifey gives the usual "Oh don't worry, it didn't cost me anything to post that" bs which is standard for these hateful, smoking piles of excrement which pass for "commercials."

And now it gets REALLY creepy-- bloodless, Has Obviously Never Seen The Sun And Has Zero Interest In Doing So Daughter gets a tweet from mom announcing that Grandma and Grampa's corpses will be occupying daughter's room. Mommy, with all the warmth and understanding of Joan Crawford- or maybe Elly Patterson- offers to help her put together a tweet which expresses her feelings on the subject. What the HELL is going on with Mom here? Why is she acting like she's got a gun in her ribs, or is one broken dish away from painting the house with the blood of her relatives? Why do I suddenly suspect that this family does not want to know dinner's Secret Ingredient? Why do I worry that this woman has gone running for the shelter of her Mother's Little Helper just one time too many?

Sprint- why do you insist on showing as your primary customers such THOROUGHLY DISTURBED PEOPLE who are clearly SOCIOPATHS who desperately NEED PROFESSIONAL HELP? Are you telling us that only amoral sub-humans would want to use your service, or that using your service turns people into amoral sub-humans? Because based on your commercials, I can't see any Option C.

Look, guys, you've won: Based on my daily observations of life in this Year of Our Lord 2011, a large segment of the population can't find it's way out of the driveway without consulting a cell phone. I see far more texting and cellphone yakking than I do face to face conversations. See that white flag? That means we give- Society was a nice experiment while it lasted, but it's over now. We are a nation of the Walking Dead, and our number one goal is to avoid eye contact while reducing all communications to typed characters on a screen.

So why can't you be good winners, at least, and stop subjecting us to this hateful trash?


  1. Ever since this started airing, I have waited for you to use it. I loathe this commercial with such intensity that it cannot possibly be healthy for me. There is just so much wrong with it that I am stunned you were able to complete a sentence, much less a whole blog post.

    And at the end- what the hell is with that mother? Her tone, her expression? "...I'll help you... compose a tweet..."

    She makes me want to punch a baby. PUNCH A BABY!

    My family is just as sick of this ad as I am- mostly because I turn angry and incoherent when it comes on TV.

  2. Czaerana,

    It's like wondering why car companies think that presenting their customers as deluded children is a whiz-bang idea.

  3. I came across this post because my husband and I have been stuck trying to figure out WTF with THAT commercial. Glad we're not the only ones. We are both pretty sure the mom was a commercial for something else - but now that she's become the sucky mom who wants to help her daughter compose a tweet, her career might now be blemished a bit.

  4. The zombie mom commercial is just the latest in a series of such ads from Sprint. The first featured a nasty cow breaking up with the boyfriend sitting across from her at a restaurant. The second featured an a**hole neighbor insulting the Christmas decorations of the guy standing directly in front of him. I would love to know if the marketing geniuses behind this series of steaming piles of crap actually work for Verizon and/or T-Mobile, because if I were a Sprint customer, these ads would be highly effective at driving me to another provider...

  5. Please scan through the archives, BADKarma- I've hit both of those ads. :>)