Sunday, February 27, 2011

A Slim Step toward Honesty in Advertising

Remember back in the 80s, when it was "Give us a Week, We'll Take off the Weight?" Remember all those commercials where women (no men, ever) would talk about how darned EXCITED they were to be replacing meal after meal with Serve Very Cold So You Can't Taste It cans of Carnation Instant Breakfast disguised as some great diet breakthrough? Remember how they tried so hard to convince us that you could get a "full feeling" that "lasted for hours" by drinking 12 ounces of chocolate milk?

Well, it's a new century, and let's give the people at Slim-Fast a little credit. They've finally admitted that no, those cans of Basically Nothing are no more filling than a cup of Yogurt, and yes, your ears will be ringing with hunger roughly 30 minutes after consuming one. So instead of being angry at being lied to all these years, we're supposed to just say "thank you" and buy this NEW product- Slim Fast Candy Bars, designed to keep us Slightly Less Famished For Real Food for up to four more hours!

Super. An hour after guzzling your overpriced can of sand and milk, you can "enjoy" a rice cake laced with enough sweetener to trick your brain into thinking you are eating something resembling a food product- almost.

Since all of this really does nothing except constantly remind the user that he or she is ON A DIET and therefore REALLY HUNGRY ALL THE TIME, may I make a small suggestion? Forget the Magic Pill diet "food" crap and spend that money on whole grains, skim milk, and veggies instead. Whole grains have this really cool way of making you feel full BECAUSE YOU ARE FULL. They don't leave you desperate for something further to eat ten minutes later. Carrots and Celery do the same thing. And here's a bonus, which you probably don't care about- these things are REAL FOOD which is GOOD FOR YOU, and it's stuff you can eat for the rest of your life, not just until you've dropped the weight.

Just something to think about before you walk out of the grocery store with your cart filled with Slim-Fast Fake Food Products- Slim-Fast shakes, bars, cereal, etc. etc. ETC. But heck, it's your money. And your sanity.


  1. Comedian Norm MacDonald used to do a bit on rice cakes. The punchline: "Hey these things are pretty good with a little peanut butter on them."

  2. And your dignity being frittered away eating fake food to try to fool yourself into thinking you're full.

  3. You know what else works as a dandy snack to fill you up till an actual meal? A banana. Yeah. How about some grapes? Maybe some melon slices. I hear oranges travel well.

    The fashion in this ad cracks me up- they're wearing the loose and billowing tops and dresses. You know, to hide the loose and billowing flab that's just hanging there instead of getting tightened up with exercise.

  4. I guess Shatner never got around to patenting those girdles he used to wear on the old Star Trek set.

    Just like Jerad from Subway- he's always shown wearing shirts that look like they are four or five times too big for him. Don't want people to know what you look like when you just lose a lot of weight and don't exercise- it ain't pretty.

  5. I love how gritty, mealy and insoluble is replaced by "Chewy, crunchy and delicious". You just know those things are almost impossible to swallow.

  6. I've always thought that slim fast was bullshit

  7. But. . . but-- you can't SELL real nutrition! You have to sell crap! That's what makes America GREAT!