Saturday, February 12, 2011

Oh what a tangled web we weave...

Where Does Breakfast Come From? from DBL DRAGON on Vimeo.

Someone, please, get this kid some parents.

A little girl too young and naive to be aware that her lower-middle class trailer trash clueless parents are doing her zero favors by getting her addicted to grease-and-salt laden "food" from the local Mickey D's asks her idiot father "where does breakfast come from?"

Dad, probably annoyed that the woman who was a Nice Girlfriend But Dammit I Told You I Wasn't Ready to Start a Family forbids him from using his cellphone while driving passes the question back to mom. And now it gets really, really stupid.

Because apparently mom has no clue where food comes from (charitably referring to what they sell at McDonald's as "food.") So she pulls some convoluted pile of BS straight out of her ass to explain what any High School graduate really ought to be able to describe in understandable terms to any kid willing to listen- some crap about Food Wizards with Magic Wands who chant spells and make gestures and Presto! There's the Magical Food, right there!

(By the way, the fact that this little kid doesn't already think that "Breakfast comes from the Refrigerator" or "Breakfast comes from the Store" gives us a pretty good idea of how often she eats at McDonalds. My guess is that she thinks milk comes from 7-11, where it lives next to dad's smokes, and money comes from CashStop.)

Having failed to make this a teachable moment by talking about farmers and cows and trucks and trains and all the hard work that goes into getting food out of the ground, and instead spinning a low-quality fairy tale which the kid will someday repeat on the playground and get mocked for, mom is confronted with another question- "where did I come from?" which mom Hil-ARIOUSLY bounces back to dad. (Don't we all hope that dad responds with a 100 percent accurate, medical description of the procedure? I mean, shouldn't at least one of these alleged "parents" refuse to play the "let's keep the kid dumber than we are, for as long as possible" game?)

Seriously, who is this ad supposed to appeal to? People too young to be carting around children? People too stupid to know that McDonalds food is fatty junk that should be kept a safe distance from youngsters (and adults, for that matter?) People who think that kids should never, ever be given an opportunity to learn anything outside of the sterile confines of a classroom?

Well, I guess that population is pretty big, so McDonalds is safe. If I were sitting at the next table, I'd have a hard time keeping my mouth shut, though. Just to be safe, I'll keep taking my coffee (the only thing McDonalds makes which is worth consuming) to go.


  1. It's sort of appalling to realize that, like Lynn Johnston, the ad-men have a camera in the Mickey D's of the world. That's because this sounds like something trailer trash would actually say.

  2. Most of McDonalds commercials are desperate attempts to convince people that their food is of a decent quality. One thing I will give McD's is that they have basically stopped having white people over the age of 18 in their ads. I have to hand it to them, at least they are not afraid to admit who their target audience is. There was a McD's commercial on a year or so ago that was mostly in spanish even though it was being run on a non-spanish channel.

  3. Oh yeah. To answer the little girls question of where she comes from..

    A long time ago there was a princess that hated her father, the king, so much that she left the castle and went off to a magical kingdom known as the ghetto and laid down with any man she came across. Several months later she went on the Maury show to find out who her babies daddy was. Facing a kings ransom in child support payments the man decided to marry the woman who had been disowned by the King and Queen and now must live off social services, drive a 12 year old Ford Taurus and eat at McDonalds 5 times a week. The End

  4. McDonalds has three main audiences:

    1. The Poor
    2. The Stupid
    3. Kids

    The Dollar Menu is one of the most depressing marketing concepts of our day- yes, it allows poor people to eat out. It also allows middle class people to eat more than they normally would. Between the Dollar Menu and Supersizing, I think McDonalds just may be out to kill us all.

  5. Speaking of the dollar menu. I was watching something on VHS tape the other night that was recorded off TV at least 20 years ago. There was a commercial for Burger King about some special they had going where there was a different dicount meal for each night of the week. One was a double cheeseburger for a dollar. Fast foward 20 years and thanks to the dollar menu a double cheesburger is one dollar. I just thought it was crazy that you can buy the same food item today for ehat it cost in 1991. Crazy

  6. My first job was at a McDonalds, when I was 15 years old, in 1979. The "food" then cost more than it does now- a regular hamburger was around 75 cents, which is much more than a dollar is today. It just goes to show what mass production and declining quality allows corporations like this to do with "food" prices. At this rate, in 20 years McDonalds will have a Quarter Menu, and poor and stupid people will be practically living in the Drive Thru.