Wednesday, February 16, 2011

The Useful Idiots are back- and this time, they've got "evidence!"

I was very skeptical about the process of drilling for Natural Gas; I thought, is it really safe? Didn't I hear something about the dangers of the process called "Fracking," or Fracturing of rock to stimulate the development of Natural Gas "wells?"

And didn't I just recently see an excellent documentary on HBO called "Gasland," which gives us interviews with people whose ground water has been permanently poisoned by natural gas drilling. Something about yellow water, brown water, water they are warned by medical professionals not to drink, water that kills kids and wildlife and turns once-fertile land into toxic waste sites- but heck, who needs water? I mean, America's insatiable energy "needs" must take precedent, right?

Still, I was very concerned- until this commercial. It's not just that this intelligent-looking woman is calmly explaining to us how Natural Gas is the answer to all those energy "needs." It's that she's quoting the New York Times, and she's doing it in that incredibly self-righteous "look, this is The Truth" tone that simply cannot be argued with.

Now, what exactly is she saying here? "The New York Times, And I Quote, (try to be a little more pretentious, lady) tell us that a technique for drilling natural gas is spreading around the world." Um, and? What does this even mean? Here are some other things that originated in the United States and spread around the world: Sugar as a staple in the everyday diet. Texting. The Spanish Flu. How exactly does "spreading around the world" translate into "It's a good thing, see?"

Oh, but it's The New York Times. The Gray Old Lady of the print media, the Bible of honest, hard-hitting and above all ACCURATE journalism. If it's in The Times, it must be so, right? I mean, when I was skeptical about Yellow Cake Uranium (even after the President told me about it- call me cynical) the Times came to my rescue and erased all my doubts. And when I allowed myself to wonder whether Saddam Hussein really did have WMDs, it was the brilliant, Just-the-Truth reporting of the New York Times which set me straight.

So if The Times tells me that Natural Gas drilling is safe and clean (though I'll give the ad men credit- this is never actually argued in the ad- it's just strongly implied that we ought to be doing it, right now, in every corner of ever state,) it Must Be So, right? I mean, the New York Times is the ultimate voice of authority in a cloudy, uncertain world, isn't it?

I think all commercials should include testimonials from The New York Times- preferably written by Judith Miller. I mean, who could argue with The Times?


  1. This may be coming from a place of lack-of-sleep, but I wanted to punch that woman in the face.

    That's my Eureka moment... *bap*

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