Tuesday, March 1, 2011

When you don't want to listen to your body, OR your food

Here's another ad which practically begs you to either turn the channel or, failing that, at least to hate the product being sold.

So this guy is trying to eat the wing of some poor dead bird who never did anything to him, but is now getting some small measure of revenge for being decapitated, gutted, breaded and slathered in sugary barbecue sauce by slapping this idiot in the face with it's wing. Except that this is not an ad for vegetarianism- if it were, it would be pretty cool. No, the pathetic little tag line- "is your food fighting you?" reveals that it's actually a commercial for TUMS.

Since Tums is a product you take AFTER you eat, to AVOID or relieve the symptoms of heartburn, I guess we are supposed to figure that the knowledge that the coming pain will be dealt with somehow renders the chicken wing depressed and defeated in it's attempts to avoid being eaten, and this greasy idiot- made more greasy by the sauce stains on his face (the disgusting pig- jeesh, ever hear of a napkin, buddy?) chomps happily into his handful of food. Ah, don't we just love a happy ending?

Except- hey buddy, maybe your body is trying to tell you something. Sure, the hot sauce and fat and oils aren't causing you momentary gastronomical discomfort if you follow them with a couple of Tums, but that doesn't mean chicken drowning in heavy sauce is good for you. Your stomach and heart are still going to have to deal with the excess calories. Your arteries aren't going to be helped one bit by you popping a Tums for desert. All you've managed to do is mask the damage, which I guess makes Tums like those magic No Hangover Tablets they sell during broadcasts of Arizona Diamondbacks games- if you can't actually FEEL the impact, there isn't any, right? No pain, no foul?

Here's a better idea. Sometimes, your body knows when you are putting it in danger. When you touch a hot stove, you automatically jerk your hand away- do you want to find some medication which allows you to keep your hand on the stove as your fingers burn off? No? Then why do you want to take a pill which allows you to pretend that the crap you are shoveling down your cake hole isn't killing you?

In other words, when food causes you pain- that's a signal to STOP EATING THAT FOOD. Seems pretty darned simple to me.


  1. The problem is that adaptive behavior doesn't move product.

  2. Here's a really good idea: if heartburn is a regular problem, go to the doctor. It's a sign there's something wrong. If a certain food gives you heartburn every time you eat it, then don't eat it.

    Heartburn isn't one of your body's ways of telling you to lay off the artery-clogging food, and there's a lot more involved in how clogged your arteries get than diet. Ditto for how much you weigh.

  3. But, but, it's his favorite food. And you can always find some quack doctor who will tell you that food is as addictive as heroin.

  4. Imagine the hilarity a commercial like this would bring for toilet paper! What, no noise reducing, braille infused quilted technology?