Tuesday, March 8, 2011

Hey, we're all pulling for you (dickweeds!)

I'm sure we can all empathize with these people and their desire to fill the vast, cavernous rooms of their suburban palaces with 10-foot couches and beds that have the acreage of some national parks. I mean, you've got to feel for people faced with the need to find some way to make football field-sized living areas featuring 30-foot ceilings with furniture that at least ATTEMPTS to take up some of this almost unlimited space.

"I want it all!?" Looks like you pretty much have it all already, you overindulged pigs with your perfect little families and matching dogs. Excuse me for not celebrating along with you as you enjoy the overstuffed furniture that couldn't make it's way through my front door without me taking a chainsaw to it- not that I'd be able to to put in anywhere without creating a maze that would confound the mouse from Flowers for Algernon.

Man, I hate these people.


  1. This goes so nicely with the Audi commercial you shredded the other day. Audis, however, at least have some actual class, which is more than I can say for what you're likely to find at Value City: overpriced, tacky, gaudy furniture that's made in China or Thailand. VC wants you to think you'll get the look of Really Nice Furniture without the cost of RNF, but all you get is the Trying Too Hard look that'll fall apart in a few years and need to be replaced.

    A commercial worthy of scorn is a new Android one, with a blond girl in a tree outside the bedroom window of the object of her obsession--er, affections. It's incredibly creepy and screams 'Stalker!'.

  2. The stalker ad is for Virgin Mobile. I can't wait for the ad in which see is texting while wearing the skin she flayed from the guy's corpse.

  3. "At the one furniture store that gives you it all" ??!!

    Who wrote this copy - a parody writer for the Simpson's?

  4. Why is it that advertisers and copy writers think making people despise the people that appear in commercials will somehow magically move product? I don't see it, myself.