Wednesday, March 16, 2011

Where Fools and their Money Part Ways

Is your credit a little less than perfect? Is the fun, exciting and PROFITABLE world of computing closed to you because you can't get the financing you need to purchase one of these VERY EXPENSIVE items? Think that just because your name isn't Rockefeller or Vanderbilt, and just because you've defaulted on a credit card here and there and missed a rent payment or two that you are unfairly locked out of the internet forever?

Well think again, and welcome to Tronix Country!! If you've got a bank account (and are willing to give us the access number) and can afford easy payments of only $29.95 a month (and aren't smart enough to do simple math, which would reveal that if you just SAVED that money for six months you'd be able to BUY a nice laptop with CASH,) we'll hook you up with your very own laptop!

Imagine how much your life would improve if only you had one of these awesome wireless (wires not included!) laptops! You could:

Start your own business (as if anyone with your pathetic money and math skills could run a lemonade stand for more than fifteen minutes!)

Look at Porn!

Email friends!

Buy more stuff you can't afford from the endless array of shopping sites out there!

Look at Porn!

Chat with strangers and make plans to meet in dark alleys and out of the way motel parking lots!

Check baseball and football scores!

Look at Porn!

Watch your waistline expand as you spend more and more of your "life" in front of your Awesome New Wireless Laptop!

Read angry missives from the posters at concerning scams like Tronix Country and wish you had done so before falling for this ad!

Did we mention Porn?

So don't hesitate! Don't think! (We mean it- really, DON'T think!) Sign up now and we'll send that Wireless Laptop out to you right away- well, actually, right after we've collected several months worth of payments! And two years from now, when you are done paying upwards of $2500 for your $699 laptop, we'll send you a pile of crap---err, I mean, awesome gifts- like a $50 printer, and a $200 cheap knock-off that looks like a nice tv! We may even stop sucking your bank account dry at that point- maybe we'll be in bankruptcy! Hey, it happened to our friends at Blue Hippo!

So what are you waiting for? Don't let a bad credit rating hold you back, and don't give Rent A Center and the State Lotto ALL your money! Come on over to Tronix Country, where economically illiterate people are hooked up with massively overpriced computers every day!

1 comment:

  1. The Pythons had the perfect company name for businesses like this: "Dare to be robbed."