Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Their souls were stolen in a previous burglary

Get a load of this seriously looks-and-emotions-deficient family as it returns home from their weekend in Branson to discover that their stunningly ugly condo has been stripped almost clean by burglars.

"Oh man, we've been robbed" mutters Dad in exactly the same tone as I'd expect if he were instead saying "Oh man, I left the living room light on" or "Darn it, the last person forgot to flush before we left." Not "let's go to our neighbors and stay there until the police can come and make sure no one is still here," no shock or anger or fear at all- just a "let's take this in stride, man what a pain" response which suggests to me that this entire family is on valium- or was in on dad's not-very-clever insurance fraud scam.

Little son's non-reaction is especially disturbing- he doesn't seem interested in learning if his precious comic book collection or favorite teddy bear is safe and sound, or if the place he calls home is still a safe place to sleep. Is he going to wake up crying for the next several weeks? Is he going to start wetting his bed? Nah, no big deal, nothing really to see here. Just a case of strange men breaking into your home and walking around taking stuff. Whatever.

Mom is weirdest of all- she seems genuinely disturbed that the burglars didn't think their computer was worth taking- mortified, almost. They didn't steal our 2002 Dell Desktop? "Maybe it's time for a new computer." Yes, indeed- a light little laptop that can be unplugged from the wall and slipped into a carry bag by the next set of burglars in no time flat. Hey, maybe the creeps didn't want your stupid wedding and baby photos, idiot.

Mom goes right back to the "I'm so ashamed at my burglar-unworthy computer" when she and dad pick up the new laptop. (I do like the way she obsesses about the file transfers- "the baby pictures? The wedding photos?" YES, LADY, all your junk was moved to the new laptop. What part of "all" did you not understand?) Dad joins in- "now this is worth stealing." Jesus- seriously, people. We could chalk up your initial reaction to shock. What's your excuse this time? It wasn't funny the first time, it's not any more funny days later.

Because being robbed is generally NOT fun, and replacing the lost stuff is generally NOT the biggest task for people who have intact souls. It's getting back that sense of security, being able to fall asleep again without being spooked by every little noise, being able to walk into your house without a powerful sense of dread, etc. Whoever wrote this ad has never been robbed, and has precious little understanding of what this traumatic experience can be like. (My guess is, he doesnt have kids, either. I seriously can't imagine a kid acting like the one in this ad- Damien Thorne showed more emotion when his nanny hung herself.)

By the way, did the burglars steal all the shampoo? Or did the fact that they left it behind convince this woman that it was no longer worth using?


  1. "Hey, we got a new computer."

    Not "I hope those thieves don't come back," or "I hope those thieves get caught."

    Priorities, I guess.

  2. I knew you'd get to this one as soon as I saw it. Thank you, sir. Thank you!

    My dear friend was robbed a few weeks ago and her first thought was if her dogs were okay. (they were scared and hiding in the smallest places they could get into, but they were fine). It was only when the police asked if anything was missing that she thought about her stuff.

    Her computer wasn't touched either, but that was because they wanted the plasma screen in the living room. (which they didn't get, because apparently, your typical smash-and-grab thieves don't know a plasma screen is a lot heavier than the LCD TV).

  3. It's kind of disgusting to have to realize that there are people out there who might find this piece of garbage funny; I guess the burglars took their souls too.

  4. Hi, just thought I'd post on this one, it's one of my favorites. These Burgundians took things you couldn't give me! did they take the oven? also ,I did not see the CPU anywhere, just the monitor. Strange!

  5. It's tasteless I was robbed last summer & they stole all the jewelry my mom gave to me before she died. This commercial was just sick.

  6. I was burglarized twice within two weeks once. My computer was left behind, also...it was a beige-box Mac with few gigs of memory that about 8 years old at the time. The Zip drive got disconnected and stolen, though, and the disk I had in it (full of writing I could never replicate and stupidly hadn't backed up) vanished for good.

    I can tell you, my reaction when I found out what had been taken (including VCRs and cash) was not "Boo hoo, they didn't think my computer was good enough to steal, I better go out and buy a new one so they can break in a third time and steal that one too." No, it was more like "OMG, how am I supposed to feel safe in this apartment ever again, especially as a woman living alone?" I moved.

    This commercial is an insult to all of us who know what it's like to actually be burglarized...to have your stuff combed through by a stranger while you're gone, to lose things you care about, to be worried that at any time the stranger could get in again and this time, you might be home. It's disgusting and not at all funny, and if the idiots who wrote it had ever been burglarized, they'd know why.