Monday, March 14, 2011

It's Not Funny, How we don't Talk Anymore

These commercials would be mildly amusing if we didn't know that the situations depicted are the future according to cell phone companies. This is what they want- nobody actually interacting except through their phones, much more texting than talking, the bastardization of the English language into a dumbed-down version more "suitable" for texting (George Orwell's Newspeak coming to a home near you, before you know it, and don't even try to fight back against it,) and anyone who complains being painted as the shrewish harpy who Just Doesn't Get It.

We're used to the kids being total "Oh fuck off, mom, I'm busy" dickweeds, so that's not really all that "funny" anymore. But what could be MORE ROTFLMAO than GRANDMA texting away and talking back to her daughter in teenspeak? (I couldn't bring myself to read the YouTube comments. I'm sure this commercial is EPIC with that crowd.)

So take a good look at your future, America: Everyone you know, bent over their cell phones, texting away and acting really annoyed and put-out should you make any effort in engaging them in conversation. The Big Phone Bill excuse is no longer a valid reason to try to steer your family from something other than using their damned phones (oh the horror!) because our Helpful Phone Companies now provide Unlimited Talk and Text. So it's all on you- if you question the need to play with these little toys constantly, you're going to have to be the Big Heavy, discussing lame things like Family Time and Addictive Behavior. What a bring down. Be prepared to have your status as your son's 1,178th Facebook Friend threatened.

Yes, we have seen the future. And man, is it ugly. But at least it doesn't come with a big phone bill.


  1. Can't you just imagine the retirement village someday when all of today's kids grow old-- with all these little old people texting one another? Of course, none of them will LOOK old by then with all the Botox and plastic surgery.

  2. I wonder if that will happen- or by the time this generation hits fifty or so, the thrill of using cell phones for everything will have worn out. It used to be impossible for me to take walks without my Walkman radio, now very often I leave my XM at home and just stroll with my thoughts. One can hope.

  3. I walked through a Norfolk, Virginia mall yesterday. It was very crowded, and I couldn't help but note that the VAST majority of the employees I saw at the kiosks and in the stores were on their cell phones, either talking or texting.

    As far as I could tell, it was virtually certain that these employees were doing no work in between customers -- cleaning, restocking, whatever.

    In fact, it almost appeared that when a customer did stop to look or wanted to pay for something, he or she was an inconvenience to the employee because the employee had to put down the phone for the time it took to run the cash register.

    Of course, the majority of people I saw walking in the mall were also constantly on their phones, so...

  4. It's sad when Wilbur Weston is a voice crying out in the wilderness (of Santa Royale).

  5. I was thinking about this particular entry today; that's because I was taking a walk on a nice late winter afternoon thinking to myself that it's kite weather before reminding myself that very few children actually fly kites these days. Most of them are either inside playing Warcraft or wandering around with their eyes glued to one of these gizmos. And people wonder why I'm such a gloomy guy.