Saturday, March 26, 2011

I'm sorry, I couldn't hear you. This stupid commercial was sitting on my face.

Here's an eight-second ad for Wheat Thins brilliantly stretched into 31 seconds by having two characters read a tweet and then ask a third character if he remembers sending the tweet.

No kidding. Just look at this ad, I dare you. Two creeps in a van who somehow managed to find themselves with careers working for Nabisco scanning Twitter for mentions of their company's wheat cracker product ( I guess. I mean, are we really looking for some level of sense here?) One of them reads the tweet out loud. Moments later, the two creeps confront "Chris Macho" (I hope this isn't his name. No wait, I hope it is. Because at least that would mean Nabisco didn't make it up, figuring it was as clever as "Keith Stone." Actually, I don't know what to hope anymore. I think I just died inside.)

One of the creeps then reads the tweet back to "Chris Macho," apparently forgetting that we, the audience, have already heard it, and weren't all that entertained by it, or interested in it in the first place. Fortunately for the cameraman and the van guys doing this live, unscripted (yeah, right) commercial, Chris Macho does indeed remember tweeting something about Wheat Thins.

The punchline (such as it is) involves the creepy van guys "rewarding" Chris Macho for his homage to crackers by driving around with a massive billboard urging everyone to follow Chris Macho on Twitter because "he's Awesome." Um, ok.

Was I supposed to do some reading for this commercial? What the hell does any of this have to do with crackers? Who is Chris Macho? Why exactly is he awesome? Why should I follow him on twitter- is he going to tweet some other uninteresting, uninformative stuff that is sort of about Wheat Thins? If he is, why do I want to get it delivered to my phone? I'm so very confused.

But you know what? To me, being confused about ads like this is kind of like not getting references to Lady Gaga, Snookie, or Kim Kardashian. It's confusion I wear like a badge of honor. I actually think that my life was just a little more blessed because I didn't grow up with 200 channels, cell phones, or the internet.

So I won't be "following" you on Twitter, even if you are "awesome," Chris Macho. But don't feel bad, because I don't follow ANYONE on Twitter. And no one will ever be able to convince me that I'm missing a damned thing.


  1. The only surprise I have is how long it took them to do this; the need to treat the consumer of baked goods like an idiot has been with us for years now. Before, we had Sandy Duncan promoting stuff like this; now, it's a twit on his mobile phone.

  2. I remember Sandy Duncan in her wheat field.

    This commercial is NOT about Chris Macho (Everyman) but about YOU. YOU might just strike it rich by mentioning key products on your Twitter account (providing free advertising for a very deserving international conglomerate), and just imagine the riches you might income: your Twitter ID applied to the enamel of a billboard truck. You'll be King for a Day. And seriously - if Everyman likes Wheat Thins, maybe you do too. Things haven't changed that much.