Wednesday, June 22, 2011

Stop what you're Doing, and start Watching!

Now just think, for one moment, what the message of this ad for Xfinity really is.

The people in the commercial sure seem to be active. They jump around (mainly, they jump into chairs and on to couches, but hey, they JUMP.) They magically move from place to place. They must have some kind of social life, because they seem to interact with a lot of people.

But in the end, the message here is "sit and watch tv. Lots of tv. Wherever you are- at home. In the office. On the train, or in the park. Hell, watch it in your car when the light is red- or when you are driving really slowly. Just watch tv constantly, ok?"

Because it's "fun" to watch tons and tons of tv. With friends. Because tv allows you to surround yourself with people and not actually interact with them (it's like a cell phone, but bigger, and with Tina Fey.) Remember how you used to have to leave television at home, and how life was barely worth living until you could back to your couch and your glowing screen? Remember how empty life was in the No Television Available Outside World, with it's annoying people and nature and sights? Those days- let's call them the Dark Ages- are over.

Because life is all about Fun, and Fun is all about Television. Everywhere. All the time. Download it. Store it. Watch it. Download some more. Lather, Rinse, Repeat.

And don't forget- everyone shares your obsession with television so much, there's never any need for headphones. I really want to hear what you've got on that I Pad, even more than I want to hear your side of every conversation you have on your phone (your ringtones are awesome, please let them play for at least two minutes before answering) and even more than I want to know your taste in music (so please keep the volume on your MP3 player way up, and keep using those virtually-pointless ear buds, especially on the subway.) And when you drive past my house at 2 AM, please remember to keep your windows down and the bass pounding.

Because it's all about sitting and watching and listening and sharing. All the time.


  1. Yes. It is fun to do whatever you feel like - just about all the time, while someone, presumably, pays the rent on that couch. Big Brother has spoken: You will have fun. Next week: we burn your books.

  2. Oh, joy; another annoying public disservice announcement for what I can only assume is a voluntary human extinction campaign. If we spend all our time watching TV, we can't very well continue the species, after all.

  3. I'd leave a clever, witty, and insightful comment about this, but I have to go watch some TV. I haven't yet gotten my daily required dose of 6 and 7/8 hours.

    I mean, I'd go for a walk, play with my dogs, read that book I've been meaning to get to, but there are TV shows on! Right now! And some from earlier! I have eye drops! I won't even have to blink!