Sunday, June 26, 2011

You win, Smirnoff's

I started this blog on New Year's Day, 2009, convinced that after a few months I'd get bored with it or, more likely, simply run out of bad commercials to snark on. I mean, there aren't THAT many really bad advertisements out there, right?

Two and a half years and more than 400 commercials later, I've finally hit a roadblock. I don't know if this advertisement is clever or stupid. I don't know if it's for anti-lock brakes, or eHarmony (anyone else think that the heavily-painted blond passenger is just a little too young for the guy she's with? Anyone else think the guy looks an awful lot like Jeremy Irons?) or what. The small print at the end tells me it's for Vodka, but how could that be- unless the truck that nearly kills this oddly matched couple is being driven by a guy who's had one too many screwdrivers at the local dive?

I don't get how a near-death experience results in the driver parking at a romantic scenic view and taking off his wedding ring. Did the guy's life pass in front of him as he swerved to miss the truck, causing him to realize that he can do better than this girl and the clock is ticking? Or did the almost-accident have no impact at all- the plan was to break it off, and that's what the guy who played The Green Goblin in the first Spider-Man movie is going to do?

I don't get the editing job which changes the entire story, either.

Let's cut to the chase; I surrender to the mysterious brilliance, or dumbfounding idiocy, of this ad. I'm still not going to drink Vodka though. If I want a headache, I'll hit myself with a hammer, thanks anyway.


  1. We're at a total loss on this one, as well; but pretty sure you'll never run out of bad commercials.

    Keep up the fight.

  2. Thanks, you too- and welcome back!

  3. Oddly enough, I can buy this as being an advert for vodka; that's because it inadvertently simulates the mental distortion that only intoxication (or getting hit with a hammer) can provide us.

  4. So it's like a commercial for 3D glasses which can only be understood by people wearing 3D glasses?

  5. Yes, it is; that's because the only way it makes any God-damned sense is if you're drunk off your ass.

  6. That is the stupidest, most pointless ad I've ever seen.

    What's the point? That you can selectively edit a section of video to remove the word "not", and thereby change the sentence's meaning?

    If so, we already know that from James O'Keefe, Andrew Brietbart and Fox "News".

  7. This is how a lot of stalking starts. The stalker hears what they want to hear, not what's actually being said to them.

    Him: "I don't love you anymore."

    She hears: "I love you so much more than I can explain."

    Him: "I want a divorce."

    She hears: "I'll never divorce you."

    Vodka dulls the senses, gives you delusions.

    But don't take my word for it, I'm on a whole lotta Vicodin and muscle relaxers right now.

  8. I think the "triple distilled" has something to do with the three presentations of the commercial...but I can't imagine exactly what.

  9. Jeremy Irons is better looking than that guy.

  10. The same production team that created this "ad" also made this one: