Saturday, November 5, 2011

Come to think of it, maybe they just LOOK like models compared to the other people in the barn

I guess the message of this commercial is that if you want to meet good-looking, handsome guys or beautiful, available young women, the place to do it is at an all-you-can-eat-for-$3.99 feed bin.

Sure, this makes sense. We all know that the really attractive, smart, successful people love to hang out at places which encourage them to gorge on carbs until they slip into comas. You might not be able to spot them, as they use the massive, sweaty, middle-aged, poorly-educated and Stupid With The Little Money They Do Have slobs also there as camouflage.

In this particular ad, we have the hot girls (one white, one black- this is television, after all) checking out the Zoosk-level guys making stupid decisions designed to rob them of their looks in record time. I have to admit that I had to watch this idiotic nub of an ad three times before I could figure out what Bianca was saying (I only understand English) but I finally got that she's brought her White Friend to Cicis to "find her a guy." (Yes, because hot blondes have to really struggle to meet guys.)

Ok, let's stop right there. Cicis is the place to find a guy if you are a hot woman in your early 20s? I had no idea. I thought Cicis was the place to find a guy if you were a middle-aged, fat welfare mom looking for a lonely, heart-disease afflicted middle-aged man with equally empty pockets.

"This isn't the first time I've been to the endless pizza buffet" assures Bianca. Well, that may be so, but I'm willing to bet you don't spend a lot of time actually eating there. The White Girl is super-impressed that the Black Girl can figure out what kind of pizza the guy they are staring at is going to take, using nothing but the fact that the guy has already stopped in front of that pizza. Wow, she should get a job at the Psychic Hotline. Well, this is a lot healthier than actually eating, so I can't snark on their little hobby all that much.

They speculate on whether the last guy is "taken" moments before he asks if the chair at their table is "taken." Naturally the guy is going to sit down and enjoy his pizza and pasta and cinnamon buns and all the other garbage Cicis has to offer in front of these ogling idiots. So he's figured out that Cicis is the place to find hot girls, too- hot girls who like hot guys who like to eat lukewarm crap. And are cheap. Wonderful.

And we can speculate that this guy will now offer to buy these girls a drink at the All You Can Guzzle Serve Yourself soda fountain. How sweet and romantic.

BTW, I don't care what this commercial is trying to imply- I'm pretty damned sure we won't be finding America's Next Top Model at Cicis. America's next Biggest Loser, perhaps.


  1. It's not as if the admen are going to tell the truth; reminding the public that fast food places are where people who either don't have a lot of money to spend on feeding themselves or time to eat some place not totally depressing isn't going to go over well. All it will do is give Ces Marciuliano another thing to comment on on his blog.

  2. SO *that's* why I'm still single! There's no Cici's around here for me to find hot guys at! Mind if I crash at your place for a few weeks? ;p

  3. No, I absolutely do not- because my apartment is definitely the place to find hot guys. Well, one anyway ;>)