Friday, November 11, 2011

I suggest a McAnnulment

Check out this "woman's" expression when she hears that the plane to Barbados is boarding, and tell me she's over fourteen. Not buying it.

And yes, her new husband is a fourteen year old. You didn't notice this during the dating stage, stupid? Maybe you thought he'd grow out of dressing like a teenaged slob? Or did you find that endearing? Made. Bed. Lie.

And didn't you realize that when you marry a little boy, you marry that little boy's friends? This particular bunch of jackasses KNOW they will sabotage the Honeymoon by sending the new hubby a photo of his favorite disgusting, greasy mess of a sandwich, once again Available for a Limited Time at McDonalds. (Quick aside here: why does McRib keep making these unwelcome returns from the grave every couple of years? I have no idea- but I suspect that every once in a while everyone's favorite junk "food" chain makes a deal for several hundred tons of Grade-C pork and several thousand gallons of ketchup disguised as barbecue sauce, and BINGO! McRib is Back!!)

Anyway, this guy realizes that if he goes to Barbados with his child bride he'll "miss the McRib." Setting aside the bizarre notion that a pile of pork swimming in grease between two slices of white bread is something that can be "missed," I gotta ask- how LONG is this Honeymoon anyway? I mean, McRib's sad intrusions into our already nutritionally deficient culture usually last for a month- what the hell? And he discovers that McRib is back because before the newlyweds even manage to board the plane, Hubby has already broken a promise and is checking his cell phone. I feel really good about this relationship.

Actually, everything will work out just fine if Child/Wife learns to shrug her shoulders, roll her eyes, look exasperated and memorize the line "what are you going to do, boys will be boys" and Child/Husband manages to forget about McRibs long enough to notice that Barbados has restaurants which serve real food- and that life isn't all about shoving crap down his cake hole.

Though personally, I think that the best possible thing that could happen here is that this dick's use of a cell phone during flight causes the plane's instruments to go haywire and the damn thing crashes to the Earth. Right on top of the guy's "friends." Leaving no survivors. Sparing Little Girl fifty years of life with a self-absorbed, rude, tasteless jerk. Sparing Little Boy those agonizing months of withdrawal between returns of the McRib. And sparing me any more obnoxiously loathsome ads like this one.


  1. Followed, of course, by a McRestraining Order...oh, wait. The fatty pseudofood will kill him before that becomes a problem.

  2. Every summmer McDonalds has 99 cent 6 piece chicken nuggets. I always assumed this was because the nuggets have say a 10 year life span and they need to get all the decade old nuggets sold before they expire.