Thursday, November 24, 2011

"Ummm...tastes ok. Now where's my Lexus?"

Ugh, almost a full thirty seconds of watching these grinning examples of the Whitest People To Ever Occupy This Planet go through what they apparently think is a super-cutesy way to present Mommy with this year's Just Because The Economy is Collapsing Doesn't Mean You Shouldn't Buy It stupid, super-indulgent little toy.

Mommy just LOVES her morning Latte. Well good for mommy- mommy also LOVES her suburban palace with the hardwood floors that is so damned big that she can't hear people come and go from her bedroom (oh, and check out the dimensions of the kitchen, too. Yes, I can SO relate to these people.) Mommy really LOVES her grinning, Brady Bunch-wannabee Husband and Child, who are so gosh-darned thrilled out of their freaking minds to be playing this Oh God Won't The Neighbors Love Hearing about this little joke on Mommy. I can't tell you how glad I am that this family had such a WONDERFUL time setting up the PERFECT way to provide Mommy with her newest little appliance, just right for that spot next to the SodaStream, Brewbot and automatic bagel slicer. And I don't even mind that it's clearly not Christmas morning- nope, this isn't a Christmas present, it's Just Because. Lovely.

I hope they find a way to describe all the freaking grinning that goes on in this ad. Jesus, even the woman of Uncertain Ethnicity at the No Longer Necessary Trendy Coffee Place Mommy Loves gets into the act, as Daddy and Child act like stealth yuppies, dashing in to grab a cup and lid (on Daddy's signal, no less) and leaving exact change on the counter (probably the only time in the past year Daddy has been careful with his money.) And back home, we simply MUST use milk out of freaking GLASS bottle, because otherwise, well, it just wouldn't be perfect now, would it?

Yes, it's all so Delightful and Nice and Cloying and I sure hope they show this commercial again and again and again in the next month, I really do. Because I just can't get enough of watching Rich White People get Every Single One of their hearts' desires fulfilled. Tis the season, after all.


  1. What's Especially Nice is that in twenty or thirty years, no one will know what a barista is owing to the fact that Mommy's Coffee will sell for fifty or sixty bucks a pound.

  2. The woman at the coffee shop seems to know what's going on- I guess Daddy has decided that it's time to end the affair and has figured out a cute way to start making it up to Mommy. :>)

  3. Oh, and I wonder how one goes about politely, quietly telling Daddy that

    A) "This home-made latte simply does not taste as good as the kind I can get at the coffee shop,"

    B) "You are saying I'm wasting family money on my one lousy latte per day, aren't you? How about I buy you a six pack and you stop hitting the bar with your fucking friends every Saturday night?,"

    C) "Oh, so I suppose this means I'm NEVER supposed to leave the house EVER," and

    D) "I don't even really like Lattes. I've been having an affair with that cute girl at the coffee shop. I'm leaving you and Jimmy."

  4. Oh, right; I forgot about the alpha-male jackass context behind ads like this. The point of most of these money-wasting toys is to keep Wifey home.

  5. It would never occur to Hubby that maybe Wifey just likes the lattes they make at this coffee place, and that dropping in every morning is just her way of getting out and treating herself and socializing. Next year he and Grinning Jimmy will present mommy with a Total Gym because they are certain that she doesn't WANT to go to those sessions at the Y three evenings a week.

  6. Where do the admen think that all these insensitive, clueless dimwit husbands come from, anyway?

  7. "Look, honey! Now instead of just buying your latte on the way to the park, you can make it at home- which of course means doing the preparing, and cleaning it up- which of course are things you really love to do..."

    "Meanwhile- did you pack my lunch yet? Never mind, I'll just grab lunch with the boys at the nearest sports bar..."