Saturday, October 12, 2013
It will do you good, you spoiled fat doofus
I love to take very long walks. It's my favorite form of exercise. It helps me unwind and unpack my thoughts. It's a good time to re-evaluate my life, and then pull out my XM radio and listen to music until I forget all the things that popped into my brain when I made the mistake of re-evaluating my life.
My record for a single, one-day walk- set last month- is 25 miles. I hope to break that this spring by walking the Mount Vernon Trail in Virginia. Get it? I love walking.
Anyway, I figured out a while back that I live only 4.5 miles from my school, and only 1.5 miles from a Metrorail station which will take me to that school in about nine minutes. And yet, I was paying through the nose for gas and insurance and upkeep for a car I simply didn't need. So a month ago tomorrow, I sold my car and I've been a happy hiker (and, when it's dark or rainy, a consumer of mass transit) ever since. Haven't regretted my decision at all. Not even once. Not even for a moment.
So this commercial really irritates me. Hey idiot- I understand that when you are used to dropping your lard-infused butt into a seat and rolling to work and golf and everywhere else, suddenly being inconvenienced can be kind of a pain. But I think it's kind of sad that you aren't taking this opportunity to re-evaluate YOUR life. If you weren't so obsessed with the idea that you MUST have your own wheels and you MUST drive everywhere, you might do a little research and notice exactly how far things are away from your little suburban palace. I bet you'd find that many of your favorite haunts are really not that far from your house. Maybe you could walk to work, at least sometimes. Failing that, I bet there are transit buses available. You could at least find out. I promise you that if I'm right, you'd save a heck of a lot of money. And your daughter would be able to keep her own car.
And who knows? Maybe you'd figure out that owning a car is really overrated. Maybe you'd drop some weight and find that you enjoy moving around on your own power. Maybe you'd discover that you don't really miss $3.80 gasoline and insurance bills and flat tires and traffic jams.
Just a few thoughts from someone who knew he wouldn't miss his car, and wonder why so many people are convinced that they can't live without one. And oh, BTW- if driving a pink car shamed you so, maybe you could have just skipped your little golf outing. Or asked one of your friends for a freaking ride. I mean, jeesh.