Tuesday, October 1, 2013
And have no fear, they'll be Sharing it all with us
The good people at Apple decided that the best way to sell us on this month's version of the iPhone was to bury us with scenes we are all already very, very painfully familiar with: Morons with no interest in maintaining a society and no idea of the concept of privacy blathering nonstop into their stupid-ass ubiquitous phones.
Oh, and loudly. Because like I noted above, nobody really believes in privacy any more- and nobody seems to get that the whole f--ing planet isn't interested in listening to one-half of their---umm, "conversations." That woman on Amtrak didn't get it four years ago. That lump of dumb at the park didn't get it yesterday. I'm pretty sure that the first thing cellphones do to users is switch off the Social Sensibility function of their brains. The whole damn world is your living room, people- so yak away.
And as long as you aren't going to wait until you are not driving your car, or sitting in a library, or walking around a museum (and it's pretty clear to me that you aren't,) you might as well take your f---ing best friends into the surf with you. Samsung is pimping it's Idiot-Proof phone with a series of ads featuring the same guy finding ways to break his-- I'm sure it's only a matter of time before Apple follows suit, though I must say I don't know why they'd bother, since so many owners see their phones as disposable already.
And I know you don't really need this advice, but I'll give it anyway- please never, ever wait until you have something to say before you make that call. When you are in a crowded train or bus or a place where the last generation thought that quiet was kind of a plus, that's a perfectly reasonable time to whip out your iPhone and yell "WHASSUP" into it, don't worry if you've got nothing to add beyond that. You are providing a real service to the people around you, who might have been stuck reading, or listening to music, or just reflecting on the day if you hadn't jumped in and announced that you are the Biggest, Most Thoughtless Dick In The Area. We know you didn't do it to provide a service, but because the sound of the echos in your empty skull and the withdrawal symptoms you were feeling because you hadn't "connected" with anyone for several minutes in a row forced you to fumble for your idiot box, but we appreciate it anyway. Really we do.