Thursday, July 17, 2014
Because "Nothing Ventured, Nothing Gained," Money-Grubbing Capitalist Pig
I could be nice and suggest that Father With Just the Right Amount of Gray Dusting His Immaculate Hair just explain to his son that "there's risk to investing money, and even though my broker handles it, I'm the one who ultimately makes the decisions and is responsible for them."
He could go on to add "I could put the money in the bank where it would be 100 percent safe, but then we might not be able to afford this Brownstone in the Upscale Neighborhood, or your Private School, or for mom to stay home to give you milk and cookies when school is over, or those Aspen vacations. So I risk it because after all More More More More More."
He could go on to add "if brokers had to pay clients back every time investments lost money, everyone would invest because there would be no risk. Which would make investments like banks, and we'd be back to that problem with not being able to afford All This Stuff."
He could go on to add "my broker doesn't have a fucking crystal ball, and if brokers were held responsible for losses, they'd go out of business really fast because losses are going to happen. You might not realize it because you live the pampered life of a spoiled rotten white kid in America, but there really aren't any gaurantees when it comes to investments."
Because I'm not especially nice, I'll just hope that Gray-Dusted Hair Douchenozzle switches to iTrade and walks in front of a bus while his eyes are glued to some fucking marketing chart on his iPhone. Because I'm not especially nice.
(BTW, notice how pretty much every brokerage ad features someone wistfully thinking either "gee, I think my broker is ripping me off for making me pay him to manage my money" or "I don't think it's fair that 'risk' means I could lose my money, I want to redefine the word 'risk?" I mean, what the hell?)