Sunday, July 13, 2014

Easy Answers for this Quantum Fios kid

"We can't record more than twelve shows at once." 


Here's a better question, moron:  Why would anyone NEED to record "more than twelve shows at once," unless you just love recording or plan to spend the rest of your freaking life doing absolutely nothing but getting caught up on the junk you stored in your DVR.  Jesus, I can't remember the last time I saw TWO things on at the same time that could hold my interest.  Twelve shows at the same time?  How many hundreds of cable channels does this dicktard family have, anyway?

"You can't pause a show here and watch it in another room."


Because Daddy would rather put money into your college education account and paying down the mortgage than fill this house with a bunch of stupid, useless, time-and-life sucking toys.  Daddy's also not excited about the idea of his kid wandering around the house like a freaking zombie pausing and unpausing his "favorite cartoons" on a dozen energy-vampire television sets Just Because He Can.

And here's the real bottom line for this kid:  Life Isn't Television.  Get your butt outside and breathe in some freaking fresh air.   Read a God Damned Book.  Ride that bicycle.  Actually have face-to-face conversations with Real Friends rather than Virtual ones.  And get it out of your head that the main purpose of existence is to record every piece of banal junk that just happens to make it over the airwaves and then gaze at it as your body atrophies.   Of course, this all has to start with Daddy actually modeling some of this behavior instead of standing there with a vacant look on his face that says nothing to this kid except "hey yeah, why not?"  Why do I think this is really unlikely, and that Daddy is about to invest in This Is Awesome Because It Means Nothing But Television Television Television Everywhere All The Time FIOS?


  1. It's like I keep saying....if zombies were real, nobody would notice 'cause they'd look like everyone else.

  2. This commercial has been bugging me for weeks now. It's the kind of thing people in my parents generation would have responded to with something like, "because you can't, now shut up" with. If we asked again repeatedly like this kid, we would have lost our TV privileges for a week for not appreciating what we do have. That would have bothered me back then, but I see their point when watching this kid.

    1. See, I grew up in a house where watching television was a nighttime activity- we generally got to watch an hour each night, plus the news- and we could watch Saturday morning cartoons for maybe two hours. That's it. The rest of the non-school time was to read and do outdoor stuff. The idea of watching television everywhere, all the time never occurred to us because it simply wasn't available (I can remember when pre-Christmas cartoons were really big deals because they were on ONCE A YEAR, no recording or repeats) and watching tv was just a tiny part of our lives anyway. Today it seems to be the ONLY thing in the lives of some people (using the word "life" very, very loosely.)