Sunday, April 10, 2016

The best reason to watch MeTV - the Awesome Commercials

If you don't buy this wallet, you are all but certain to be one of the people who lose a combined One Hundred and Ninety Trillion Dollars per year through credit card fraud!  (Seriously, that's what the opening graphic asserts.  One hundred and ninety trillion dollars- twelve times the national debt of the United States, more than the annual Gross Domestic Product of the entire country- lost EVERY YEAR through CREDIT CARD FRAUD.  Good lord, where is all that money going???? )

Well, that question is answered right away- it's going into the pockets of people who own handheld devices which can read credit cards through ordinary, not-locked wallets and purses.  People who by now must be so insanely rich that it's kind of odd that they would continue to risk arrest by stealing even more credit card numbers.  I mean, let's say that there are a hundred thousand people out there actively engaged in stealing credit card numbers.  According to the Must Be True Because It's On Television statistics presented here, each of those hundred thousand scammers are pulling in $1.9 million per year.  That's a lot of Sham-Wows and Eagle Eye Sunglasses!

But this unbelievably huge criminal enterprise- far more than needed to fund every terrorist organization and activity on the planet, including the purchase of nuclear weapons, delivery systems, submarines, etc- can be thwarted with the purchase of a wallet which blocks the signal credit cards with old-fashioned magnetic strips eminate?  Holy crap, why didn't the scammers just kill the genius who invented this and burn his notes, or buy up the rights and keep the product off the market?  This is like an invention which makes gasoline obsolete -- how did it make it to a totally convincing commercial being presented before an enormous tv audience during Wonder Woman on MeTV?  My faith in Capitalist conspiracies is completely shattered!

BTW, I love the totally-believable crooks nonchalantly holding the card reading devices two inches from purses while we are told they work "up to ten feet away" and the even more totally believable laptop screen reading "NO DATA" because the card is encased in a LockWallet (why would it read anything at all?  So it can detect that there's a credit card in the wallet but can't read it?  Does this make sense?)  But then again, I love everything about this commercial, because it's so fun and cheesy and stupid and easy to snark on.  And to make it extra awesome, we get ten seconds of The Benefits Of The Amazing Free Magnifying Glass Which Can Magnify All These Things And More.

The zipper on the wallet sure makes sense, though.  I wonder why more wallets don't have zippers.  Not going to buy this wallet- and the second "free" one which magically doubles the price through the typical Just Pay Extra Shipping scam- just for the zipper, though.

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