Wednesday, June 15, 2016

I don't want to be around when this woman pauses for a breath and collapses into a bundle of heaving sobs

I was listening to a YouTube video while in the shower when this ad suddenly popped up-- and because it was not particularly convenient to climb out and hit "Skip Ad," I was forced to listen to three-plus minutes of this gibbering idiot be way too excited about making a Father's Day card featuring her Most Adorable Wittle Angel Who Ever Lived Carson (gag) in excruciatingly painful detail.  I don't think I'll ever be able to get her chirpy, If I Don't Stop Talking And Stop Smiling I Might Start To Remember I Once Had Dreams high-pitched voice out of my head.

And btw, what the hell is this woman on?  I mean, I've consumed an entire pot of coffee inside of an hour with a Snickers bar on the side and I didn't come close to becoming this insanely hyper.  All this over learning to use photoshop to compensate for the fact that you can't get your little brat to hold a sign still for 1.5 seconds?  What the hell is the matter with you, woman?  You went to college for THIS?

Oh but please don't take a moment for reflection.  Just keep focusing on all the Absoutely Amazing Things You Can Do With Today's Technology with your Perfect Little Bundle, and continue to share your Adventures in Mediocrity with us on YouTube (including your jaw-dropping Amazement that Carson has an actual loving relationship with his father, or your boyfriend, or whoever that guy is- why is this supposed to be impressive again?  The history of guys having close emotional ties with their kids predates YouTube, or didn't you know that?)  I'll just bring the damn mouse into the shower with me next time.

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