Saturday, June 11, 2016

I totally buy the All-American part.

The All-American Bacon Boss is the perfect addition to any kitchen owned by people who have this insane idea that it would be a good thing if they could get their kids to EAT MORE BACON.  Seriously, the guy in this ad talks about bacon like sane people talk about fruits and vegetables- "I love bacon, but it never comes out right, so I'm deprived- if ONLY their was a way to make bacon part of my daily diet!"

The All-American Bacon Boss uses a Patented Compressing Technology (some people would call it a screw) to flatten the bacon and extract it's oils during cooking (some people would call this "squeezing."  And some people might want to get on the phone to George Foreman to let him know that the makers of the All-American Bacon Boss are copying the same "press to get the grease to come out during cooking" his grill uses and are claiming that they've invented the wheel in the process.

I must say, none of the people in this ad seem especially impressed with the bacon produced by the All-American Bacon Boss.  Pretty much the only response we get from anyone here is a quiet affirmation that yes, after giving this a taste, we can all agree that it's fried pork.  Even though it's not raw or burned and there's no mess like all those other times Mom and Dad made an effort to provide us with life-shortening porcine products.

The rest of this ad is two minutes of ideas on how to serve up pig fat, including turning it into candy or sticking it into drinks.  Which again is all awesome if you've been struggling to find creative ways into getting more visible lard into your diet.  Why you've been doing that, I have no idea.  Oh wait, yes I do.  Because America.

1 comment:

  1. What if you can't afford the Bacon Boss? Is there a Bacon Subordinate you can buy that's almost as good? A Bacon Flunky?

    But seriously, did you hear how at one point this voiceover guy says "Walla!" instead of "Voila!"? Really, he does. You can hear he's pronouncing a W instead of a V. So, obviously nobody who made this ad realizes that "Walla!" is not a word. Who made this, high schoolers?