Saturday, October 8, 2016

Hey Lily, you're just AT&T's Flo. Get over yourself.

1.  If you sit at a table at an AT&T store, look around very carefully, because you almost certainly are not in an AT&T store and if you are, that thing in front of you is not a table and what you are sitting on is called the floor, not a chair.  AT&T stores are not food courts.  You can tell by the lack of a Starbuck's.*

2.  Never in the history of AT&T has a person in an actual AT&T store been approached by a salesperson and asked "can I help you?"  In real life, what happens is this- you walk into the store and push your way past the crowd of idiots who already have perfectly good phones but know that something newer and shinier is now available to get in front of a keyboard and computer screen, where you can type your name in and see yourself on a list of people who will be spending the next hour or so in the store waiting for one of the three employees to sell you something you don't need, along with a data plan you don't need, all included in a 3-year contract you can't afford but that you'll sign because you've spent more than an hour of your life in the store and you would rather walk out broke than empty-handed.

3.  The guy in this ad not only already has a phone with Siri, but he uses it while in the store to get information about the latest sales- he couldn't do this before he showed up in the store (you know, like a non-lunatic.)  Had he done so, he would have walked right up to that computer sign-in station like all of the other drones who know what they want but are still going to have to wait forever for one of the three employees to sell it to them.  Does the guy here look like he needs a new phone?  Nah- but AT&T doesn't sell phones to people who need them.  AT&T sells phones to people who bought phones last year but need to upgrade constantly in order to compensate for the fact that absolutely nothing of any value is going on in their lives.  Lily to the rescue!


  1. These iPhones are definitely the modern-day "deities", FOR SURE!!!
    What AT&T needs to do is go the way of Samsung's Galaxy Note 7.

    1. I would be fine if iPhone USERS went the way of the Samsung Galaxy Note 7.

  2. I can't wait until she joins Red on the unemployment line.