Sunday, October 30, 2016

Um, "No" would have worked here, Taco Bell

What kind of freaking lunatic bumps into a someone in the park*- a total stranger who clearly has his hands full- and within seconds of saying "hello" insists that the total stranger holds his baby?

"Hold my baby?" Um, I don't even know you.  We just freaking met.  I have food in my hands.  And you want me to hold your baby?  Why?  Why would I want to?  Why would you want me to?  Does this make any freaking sense to ANYBODY?

*(I guess the same kind of person who would date someone who asks "oooh is this the new boyfriend?" like he's a new purse or pair of shoes and not just talk to him directly.  We don't even get a name here.  Just Hey Nice To Meet You Here's My Baby Hold It Because.  WTF-ever.)


  1. OK, let me take a crack at this one.

    The primary audience for fast-food commercials like this is single guys in their early 20s who have no real ambitions, enjoy sitting around playing video games all day, and who want all the perks of a relationship (you know what I mean) without ever having to worry about the girl getting serious.

    So here's this guy, Mr. Non-Commitment. He's just acquired a new girlfriend, and while they're out walking after having gotten some Taco Bell, darned if they don't run into one of his new girlfriend's MARRIED friends with her husband and her BABY.

    When the friend says "So, this is the new boyfriend?," he knows exactly what that means.

    Imagine the rest of this commercial as if it were like the one with the two people on a date who are "honest" about never planning to see each other again.

    Friend: "So...I see you have a new potential Husband and Father of Your Children!"

    Girlfriend: "Yes, I do! And don't you have the cutest baby...just like the one I COULD BE HAVING SOMEDAY SOON IF THIS MAN MARRIES ME AND IS WILLING TO BECOME A FATHER! Let me hold your baby and PRACTICE BEING A MOMMY!"

    Friend: "Sure!" (hands baby over)

    Girlfriend, to baby: "Aren't you just the cutest thing ever...EXCEPT FOR THE BABY I MIGHT HAVE WITH THIS BOYFRIEND SOMEDAY! (to boyfriend) Hey, honey, you wanna hold I can see what kind of FATHER you would make?"

    Guy: "Um, gosh, I can' hands are full...I mean, the truth is, I'm COMPLETELY ON TO YOUR GAME and I have absolutely NO INTENTION OF MARRYING YOU OR FATHERING YOUR CHILDREN, but I can't tell you that, so I'm just gonna pretend I can't hold the baby because my hands are full!"

    Friend's Husband: "Yeah, hold him! Hold my baby! C'mon, dude! Why shouldn't you, too, get SUCKERED INTO MARRIAGE AND FATHERHOOD LIKE I DID? Misery loves company!"

    Guy: *sigh* "OK. But just to show you I have absolutely no interest in babies and would make an utterly lousy father, I'm going to show you how I think of this baby--as a table to put my dipping sauce on while I continue to eat crap from Taco Bell!"

    (Girlfriend hands over baby. Guy, not putting down either his rolled-up crap or dipping sauce, embraces baby, puts dipping-sauce cup on its head, then dips his rolled-up crap in it. Everyone else looks disgusted.)

    Girlfriend (to herself): "So much for this guy being The One."

    Guy: "Hope you got the message loud and clear! If you so much as try to have babies with me, I will use them as furniture!"

    (Target audience laughs: "Heh heh, he showed her! No marriage and babies for HIM! DOOOOOOD!")

    1. The way tv works these days, the girlfriend is more likely to react by thinking "ok, he needs some work, but I'm 25 and the clock is ticking, I bet he could still get me pregnant and put me in a nice house."

  2. Really, the premise of the ad is insulting, in that it assumes that: a) all young men are cretins who would just as soon use a baby to prop dipping sauce as anything else, and b) all young women are looking for a man to hook their claws into, marry and have babies with ASAP so they can "ruin" men's lives.