Monday, October 17, 2016

I have to admit that "Orbitrim" is a pretty cool name- too good for this stupid gadget though

I just love commercials like this, they are so cheesy and fun and who knows, the products they offer might even work at least a little.

This one- for a trimmer head you can attach to that weed-wacker which doesn't work (I know it doesn't work, because weed-wackers, like electric razors, don't work.)  It ends "accidental mistakes" (can I tell you how much I love that phrase?  As opposed to "intentional mistakes?")

Then we have another spokesperson, Ghada Dergman, who is both a "Professional Landscaper" AND a "TV Personality" for something called the "Vanilla Ice Project" (how the heck did I miss that?)  She gives us this wonderful line- "it is a great product because it allows us to eliminate both your edger, weedwacker, and your hedgetrimmer," using the word "both" to list three things before spinning dramatically to tell us "AND my guys love it 'cause it saves time!"

(BTW, do people really hire landscapers to do things like weed wacking?  F--k you, lazy rich bastards!)

The thing is, if professional landscapers use this product, why isn't it available at high-end gardening stores and not just through cheesy commercials? Shouldn't I be able to find this at Home Depot?  Shouldn't there be gas-powered weed wacker models which have this design built in?

Oh right, I forgot.  Weed wackers don't work anyway (unless "cut for three minutes and then fumble with the fishing line release container for twenty minutes to get another two inches out before cutting for three more minutes" means "works.")- why make one with another feature which makes it not work even more?  It's dumb enough that you have to attach a power cord or add gasoline to get them to not work.  Putting a plastic ring around the trim line is like putting your electric razor in the charger- why bother?  Works just as well when the battery is dead!


  1. Only $39.95 plus shipping and handling.
    A trade secret of the professionals we're just now letting everyone else in on with this special offer.
    But hurry! Time is limited! This offer won't last forever!

    (Above commercial produced seven years ago and recently revived for the third time in a row.)

    1. The commercials showing professionals using the product are always the best- so landscapers have been using these for years, plumbers and carpenters have been using Amazing Rubber Sealant for years, and all that professional-grade stuff was just smoke and mirrors designed to justify inflated bills, right?

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