Sunday, January 7, 2018
Because you can't spell iPhone X without "I"
(Or "look everybody, two braying jackasses. You can tell them apart by the fact one of them has a mouth that takes up half her face, and the other one has a horn!")
I used to be able to snark on cell phone ads for casually promoting self-absorption, but there doesn't seem to be any purpose to using that angle any longer, does there? Nowadays every phone ad features people using their phones to act like little idiots determined to show the planet what levels of pointless, frivolous, time-wasting nonsense they can reach using their pretty new toys.
I can't even remember the last time I saw a cell phone commercial which featured two people TALKING. Does this even happen anymore? Instead we've got lonely, isolated cocoon people playing games, watching movies, and - this is the really big trend- lovingly taking pictures of THEMSELVES that they can edit JUST SO to create the perfect level of lighting before they store that photo and take another one. Or maybe they actually send that photo out to people- "hey, remember me, we used to get together and hang out before I became a socially retarded hermit and fell in love with doing stupid things by myself with my phone."
Oh but please, good people, go out and spend a thousand bucks on this thing so you can take portrait-quality selfies and then pose them with singing emojis. It will so enrich your life and the lives of people who used to be around you. But could you do me a favor? Stop bitching about the cost of college or stagnant salaries. You've got money to throw away on this stupid crap? I don't want to hear it.