Sunday, December 1, 2019

Peloton: The Gift that keeps on giving.....something.....



On December 25, 2018 a certain TrophyWife received a not-at-all-subtle reminder that

1.  Her value in the home is 100 percent dependent on keeping that youthful figure, and
2.  Her husband would rather her not be going out to those spinning classes anymore because he heard that there are other guys there, not to mention all those Woke Women....

She got this reminder by coming down the stairs of the ridiculous palatial suburban estate she sold her soul for and found that HubbyMaster had purchased a Peloton bike for....um, for her, of course.

With an extremely anxious look on her face which just screams "oh god I get it, I know what this means, I've got maybe a year to get my act together and achieve 0% body fat or I'm going to be out of the street," TrophyWife launches what will be a daily routine that will certainly be starting at 6 AM at the latest because no way is she going to be cutting back on her MommyWife duties just because she's been given a chance to salvage her situation.  That kid still needs to be fed and deposited at school, HubbyMaster's breakfast and coffee must be ready when he comes downstairs, etc.  This doesn't replace anything, lady.  This is in ADDITION.  And it's for your own good, IF you know what I mean.

After a year of brutal workouts in which an already beautiful, slim young woman transforms into a....beautiful, slim woman who is one year older, she gets to sit down on the couch with HubbyMaster to evaluate the results.  The verdict is in:  She's postponed dismissal for another year, anyway.  And all it took was 365 exhausting sessions chained to that bike, being barked at by a total stranger on the screen whose audience consisted of hundreds if not thousands of other TrophyWives of the One Percent.

See you next year, lady....maybe.  Oh, and here's your 2019 Christmas Present:  An appointment for Botox treatments.  Got to keep one step ahead of the babysitter at all times.

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