Tuesday, December 24, 2019
Ridiculous Walgreens Christmas Ad
So this young couple who I have to assume has a kid somewhere in the house (do young childless couples put cookies out for Santa?) gulp down the cookies and milk only to realize that Santa Claus is real and has landed on a neighbor's roof. Their IMMEDIATE concern is that they've eaten "his" milk and cookies. Not that their reality has been torn into pieces by the sudden appearance of a logic-bending piece of mythology. But that a demi-god has appeared in physical form, and it allegedly expects cookies and milk.
And their response to discovering that the Western World's most popular Lie that doesn't involve a carpenter and a plus-sign-shaped piece of wood is not a lie at all is to make a mad dash to Walgreen's to pick up a cheap tin of crappy mass-produced cookies (Cripes, even the local 7-11 would have been a better choice for sweets.) Fortunately for them, Santa's ability to visit more than a billion homes in a single night doesn't negate the fact that it takes him 20 minutes to cross a street. Something doesn't add up here, but why should this stupid ad start making sense now?
Anyway, the young couple- which besides almost killing several innocent people by recklessly driving at breakneck speed on icy roads to Walgreens in the unrealistic (but, it turns out, completely appropriate) expectation that they could get into that car, drive to Walgreens, get a box of cookies, drive back, and put them out in less time than it takes a magic fairy that will land on several hundred million rooftops over course of eight hours to attend to two houses (yes, I am rather fixated on this massive plot hole) - puts out the cookies and watches as Santa consumes them. This is all supposed to be very lighthearted and sweet and whatever, but it just comes off as bizarre and stupid to nasty cynics like me. You know, Sane People.