Saturday, February 29, 2020

Hallmark Movie-level Subaru Commercial



So this woman's puppy runs away from his home and ends up at a neighbor's farm, where the neighbor does the sensible thing- points at it and tells it to "go home," as if the dog has a brain larger than a walnut and is going to understand instruction.  The dog is wearing a collar and a license- two items which mark the absolute limit of responsibility that it's owner is willing to take on- but the farmer guy never looks at them, and I really don't blame him.  That dog is a stranger that could bite if one gets too close.

Eventually, the woman shows up in her Subaru, collects her dog, and tells the farmer guy "sorry, this won't happen again."  This strongly implies that she's going to keep a close eye on that dog, maybe keep it on a leash when it's outdoors, you know, common sense stuff that maybe one dog owner in a hundred bothers to do because they are the ones who remember that it's THEIR dog and not anyone else's responsibility.  In a Hallmark Movie, this would be the beginning of a really dumb romance arc between the neighbor woman and the lonely, cynical, beaten-down-by-life farmer neighbor, but unfortunately we don't go there.

Turns out this woman has absolutely no intention of training her dog or keeping track of it at all, as it repeatedly runs away to the farm, which we now see is within eyesight of its home.  Irresponsible, rude dog owner woman now knows exactly where the dog is every time it vanishes, and because she's not all that into exercise (maybe this explains the dogs' perpetual desire to leave- it's never taken on walks?) she repeatedly drives her Subaru the 800 yards to the farmhouse to pick up her dog.

In the end, the old farmer guy has grown Very old and so has the dog, and the woman recognizes that "her" dog has built up a powerful connection with the old farmer guy.  She also presumes that Old Farmer Guy appreciates the constant visits from the old dog (and the regular "gifts" the old dog has left on his farm over the years) so he'll really enjoy it if she continues to bring it over now that it's old and can't move around much anymore.  I suspect that she's just dropping the dog off for some free pet-sitting, and she'll be heading to town in that Subaru See ya Later Old Man.

I can't help but wonder why this woman, once she realized where her dog was always running away to, didn't once just walk over to the farm to get her dog.  She tells us at the end that she's "logged a lot of miles" over the year in that Subaru-- jesus lady the farm is RIGHT THERE YOU CAN SEE IT FROM YOUR HOUSE.  There's no indication that this woman has mobility issues.  But again, we never see her giving this dog any exercise at all either.  So I think the take-away from this cloying little mess of an ad is that one day this woman bought a puppy that she proceeded to completely ignore until it ran away from utter boredom, requiring her to recapture it and return it home in her Subaru.  The dog spent its entire life longing to live at the farm with the old man who at least was outside regularly doing things the dog could watch and follow along with, not at all like this horrible woman who just wanted another piece of furniture which needed to be fed and tagged.  But the dog was constantly thwarted in its goal of living an active life for more than a few minutes at a time until it was finally too old to run around, at which point its wicked owner actually DROVE it to the precious farm so it could sit with the old farmer guy he should have been living with all along.

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