Sunday, February 16, 2020
Verizon Fios Mix & Match: Where DID those kids come from?
"All we need is every channel possible plus fast and unlimited internet service. That's all we need. If we just have those two things, we'll be Happy."
"If we don't have one of those two things- both of which, remember, we Need- we'll be miserable, and our family will be disfunctional. We simply will not be able to go on. Me, my husband, and these two kids who came from somewhere or another- we'll all act like we're trapped in a bomb shelter, the world has been nuked, and there's one television and DVD player that makes up one hundred percent of our entertainment options. In other words, Thunderdome. We'll be at each other's throats in fifteen seconds flat, and only the Strong will Survive."
"And if we can't have 3000 channels and a DVR which allows us to watch one of them while recording 16 others at the same time and be able to stream movies on our phones while talking and texting to other sapient human beings, well, I think a suicide pact is probably in the offing. I mean, the only alternative I could think of other than quickly guzzling down a mixture of barbiturates and vodka is a board game or conversation, and that would just be ridiculous.
"After all, the last time two times the internet crashed, we got these little people nine months later. Not going through THAT again."