Thursday, June 4, 2020

Eliquis presents the fine line between Inspiring and Depressing


               
This otherwise fill-in-the-blank "I'm so glad I found this new drug with horrific possible side effects including internal bleeding" drug commercial caught my attention because of the very first line uttered by the utterly unsympathetic idiot who stars in it.  It's a line that I guess is supposed to be Throw-away inspiring or hopeful or something, but I didn't get that feeling at all.

This old dope tells us that he's "always been amazed by 'Whats Next?'"  I am quite certain that the intention was to show us an adventure-seeking individual who has never lost his childlike fascination and appreciation of the world.  But when I hear someone basically tell me that they are always looking ahead to the next experience, I hear an easily-distracted, never-satisfied, and above all ungrateful dope who refuses to actually enjoy anything because he's convinced there's something better around the next corner.  This guy doesn't appreciate the wonders of life he's experiencing today- he's too busy planning for tomorrow.  This is something we expect from toddlers, teenagers, and (to a lesser extent) from young adults.  It's a natural, healthy attitude for people who are taking in the world and impatient to get out into it.  It's not charming from a middle-aged (retired?) guy to refuse to live in the Now and just wants to move on to the next Shiny Object (never mind that all the shiny objects he encounters seems to involve fishing.*)

In his quest for "what's next," this guy decided (on his own) that maybe the drug his doctor prescribed for him "wasn't really the best for him" (maybe "what's next" is medical school?  Only if fishing is involved) so he took it upon himself to look into Eliquis.  Since he's an American with gold-plated health insurance, his doctor was more than willing to change his prescription and put him on this new drug, so he could walk around with a smug smile confident that NOW he's taking the RIGHT drug that, just like the old one, has internal bleeding as one of many possibly fatal side effects.  Good for you, buddy- now you've created another door- "being rushed to the Emergency Room before flatlining" as a possible "what's next" adventure in what looks like a pretty boring- and unsatisfying- life.

*there is no "what's next" to fishing.  It's just more fishing.  Figure it out, idiot.

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