Saturday, January 30, 2021

Bionic Spotlights Presents: The Overselling of Solar Power!


I just adore these Only Available on TV Junk ads.....

This one is for the Bionic Spotlight Solar Light thingee, which magically breaks all the laws of physics by absorbing enough solar power over the course of the day to provide a brilliant spotlight for thirty minutes when activated at night.  Anyone who has ever put out solar-powered lights knows that these things have the illuminating effect of a dim nightlight when they are at their peak effectiveness.  They aren't going to replace actual security lights which (sorry, lady in the opening scene) do cost money to install and do use actual electricity that you have to pay for.

Knowing this, I'm left to just chuckle at the idea that the sudden activation of a dim nightlight is going to frighten away raccoons, kids wearing hoodies, and other dangerous pests you want to keep away from your precious suburban McMansion (what is the deal with that kid wearing the white hoodie and shorts and carrying a backpack?  Is he supposed to look like a threat?  He looks like he's trying to find the right address, which makes his startled dashing away from a nightlight all that more hysterical.  And check out the guy using the Magic Solar Light to illuminate his barbecue- yeah, that's going to work.  

Come on, people.  Solar lights with five inches of paneling are not bad for marking walkways or outside steps.  They aren't going to replace actual security lights because they simply can't absorb and store all that much solar power over the course of the sunniest day.  Because, as I pointed out earlier, PHYSICS.  Want a security light?  Get ready to spend some money.  Or skip the security light and buy a gun to deal with raccoons, mice, and hoodie-wearing kids who dare to broach the boundaries of your precious estate,  you weird knobs. 


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