Saturday, January 9, 2021

The Banal Conceit of Local Morning News


I have a question for local news hosts; not just the ones in the Washington DC area but everywhere in the United States:

When are you clowns going to figure out that the only thing people with actual jobs want from local morning news is Weather, Traffic and Headlines?  We aren't looking for goofy, giggling or (groan) SINGING wannabee comedians at 6 AM as we shake off our weariness and get ready to go earn our livings.  We don't care if you like each other.  We don't care how many kids you have or what your hobbies are.  And we sure as hell don't want to get to know you over the airwaves.

Weather, Traffic, Headlines.  This isn't complicated.  All the rest of this is just noisy, showy crap.  We're really sorry you haven't Gone National.  We're sorry you aren't as Big as you think you deserve to be.  And by "we," I mean "maybe other people," because seriously, I don't even give that much of a damn.  The only reason I even know about you is because I don't have cable in my home office so I have to put up with these stupid, self-indulgent Valentines to yourselves. 

So don't joke.  Don't sing.  Don't tweak each other and if you never dance or hug or do anything but give me information that might make my morning a little easier, that would be just great.  

Weather.  Traffic.  Headlines.  Lather, Rinse, Repeat.  Otherwise, STFU and stop trying to get me to give a flying damn.  Make some real friends (not those coworkers) or get therapy or something.  Because this is just so sad. 

1 comment:

  1. What they need is a sort of robot that reads the feed from Associated Press. That way we don't have to deal with the two piles of clothing girning at us.