Look, it's no secret to the Several People who actually follow this blog that I consider gambling apps an absolute cancer on everything they touch (mainly professional sports, but if we're honest they've got their tentacles into pretty much anything that involves money, which is pretty much anything.)
Take this commercial (but don't watch it. Save the brain cells, you'll need them.) It got a lot of hype because it's apparently the first Entirely AI-generated ad in the history of Advertising. But I don't care about that- I fully expect all ads to be AI-generated within a few months (so sorry-not-sorry to Toyota Jan, Jake from State Farm, Flo from Progressive, etc.- hope you saved that sweet sweet spokeschoad money.) No, I'd rather keep my focus on a company which unironically uses the pitch "Trade the Future" when promoting the idea that it's fun and exciting and potentially very profitable to bet the rent money and 401(k) on, well, pretty much ANYTHING. Trade the Future, indeed. When the class action lawsuits eventually drag the promoters of crippling addiction to court, they'll certainly be able to claim that they were 100 percent upfront about what was being offered with a touch of the screen. I mean, who can't figure out that "Trade the Future" means "Risk the Future?" As much as I loathe these bloodsuckers, if I were on the jury I'd probably have to rule for them.
Kalshi doesn't win the Worst of the Worst Award on it's own; it must share that "honor" with every gambling app that has gobbled up ad space on American television and streaming services. The commercials are not just the worst things on TV; they represent the worst thing that became Mainstream in American culture in 2025. That sad habit the Uncle you don't talk about at Thanksgiving struggles with is now sold as just another form of entertainment to make whatever you are watching- or doing, or thinking about doing- a little more interesting. And to think that I used to be irritated trying to watch sporting events with people more interested in checking their fantasy stats every 2.5 seconds rather than the actual game on the actual tv. Now I can imagine watch parties featuring people whose ability to pay next month's rent depends on the successful conversion of a 4th and 5 in the third quarter by a team on it's third backup QB.
So here's to you, Gambling Apps- you are the worst of the worst. I'd say you even beat Kevin Hart, but among the many things he whores for is SportsKings, so it's more like a shared honor. Um, Congratulations?
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