There are days when I really have to reach to add to this blog. I realize that I haven't posted in a while, so I write up some snark concerning an ad that I find only mildly annoying. Then there are days when I'm so irritated and/or angry at a commercial that I can't WAIT to blog about it.
And now, I have to add a new kind of day: A day where I hear a commercial so blandly unenthusiastic about it's product that the snark seems to be built in, and all I have to do is repeat what I heard.
The product is something called Smoke Assassin, and right off the bat I know it's going to be a winner: "the price of cigarettes just keeps going up, the taxes just keep going up, and it's just not fair." Um, pardon me? What exactly is not "fair" about cigarette prices rising? What exactly is not "fair" about cigarette TAXES rising? I've heard enough of Cigar Dave to know that there really is an army of self-pitying idiots who think that they have a God-given right to blow smoke in my face, but let's get real.
It gets better: "Smoke Assassin- it looks and feels like the real thing, but emits water vapor instead of smoke. We're not saying you'll stop smoking, but thousands quit every day." I just LOVE this line! Imagine a car dealer telling you "I'm not saying this car will operate properly, but millions of people drive every day." Or Rosetta Stone informing it's customers "We aren't saying that you'll learn a new language, but thousands are learning a new language every day." Brilliant!
It gets even BETTER: "We're not saying it's a healthy smoke, but you do the math: no nicotine, no tar....." Again, I just love it: this company comes right out and says "our product might not be good for you either, but it's not bad in the same way cigarettes are."
I don't know what Smoke Assassin actually is, and I'm pretty positive it doesn't work (heck, the commercials basically TELL me it doesn't work) but I have to applaud the radio commercials for their honesty and built-in snark. Maybe in the future the makers of Smoke Assassin will come out with a ten-second version- "Try Smoke Assassin- it might not help you quit, it's not healthy, but--- um, well--- Try Smoke Assassin." I'd love it.