Tuesday, August 4, 2009

"Well, I'm at Least as Relevant as my Guests!"

Once Upon a Time....there was this trailblazing pioneer in television news. Her name was Barbara Walters. In an era when males all but monopolized a very limited medium, Walters managed to become a familiar face for television viewers throughout the United States-- no, make that throughout the world. For fifteen years she hosted The Today Show. Then, she cohosted and ultimately replaced the iconic Hugh Downs on 20/20. Finally came the ultimate honor- becoming a host of The ABC Nightly News. By the 1980s, Walters had really arrived- she was an honored professional taken seriously by both her peers in the journalism community and by the public. Now nearly eighty, she continues to draw good ratings with The View (I'm not a fan, but kudos to Ms. Walters for not being willing to just slip into the background.)

Which is why the commercial for her Sirius/XM Radio show, Barbara Live, is so damned depressing. Here Walters breathlessly tells us that we should tune in and listen to her interview "the most fascinating people in Hollywood and the Music Industry!" Examples? "The great Elton John. Michael Caine. And LIZA!!"

For my readers who are under the age of fifty or so, "LIZA!" is Liza Minelli, best known for being Judy Garland's daughter. She won an Academy Award for Best Actress in 1972 and then went on to star in several box-office flops. She had a decent stage career in the 1960s and 1970s, but by the mid-80s had more or less fallen off the radar screen. Elton John doesn't need any introduction, but more than a dozen years after that God-awful remake of Candle In The Wind (A God-Awful song in it's ORIGINAL form) does he really qualify as one of the music industry's "most fascinating people?" And Michael Caine--- seriously, Michael Caine??

Just for the record- Liza Minelli is 62 years old. Elton John is 63. Michael Caine is 75. I've got nothing against Seniors, but only Barbara Walters could think that these people represent the "most fascinating people" in Hollywood and the Music industry. At least she doesn't refer to them as "fresh young stars," which would REALLY date the host.

I'm looking forward to Walters' warning us not to miss future shows featuring Twiggy, Kate Jackson, and Lee Majors. I'd suggest that she perform a duet with Tiny Tim, except I'm pretty sure he's dead. I wonder if that disqualifies him from being on this show.

Seriously, Barbara- it's nice that you are still on tv and the radio (and you sure as hell don't look like you are going to be eighty in September,) but you are dating yourself with this nonsense. Still, I won't snark on you too harshly- at least you aren't hosting that Pet Psychic show or trying to sell me a Credit Card Counseling service. For that, I'm eternally grateful.


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  2. What, no "Charo" interview? Coo-chee, coo-chee? ;)

  3. I'm sure that's coming. After all, who is hotter on the Hollywood scene than Charo? In fact, let's have all the surviving Love Boat regular guest "stars" on Walters' show in the near future. I think I saw Tom Bosley peddling insurance the other day, he's got some time on his hands.

  4. Update: this week's guests include Gene Wilder and Mel Brooks. "Hottest stars in Hollywood." Uh-huh.

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  6. Gene Wilder and Mel Brooks? Gah, the poor, dementia-ridden woman probably believe Young Frankenstein is a new release.