Friday, August 14, 2009

Wow, I feel so Honored!

There are several different radio commercials out there selling products which sound the same and promise to do exactly the same thing- Hydrolyze, Hydroclean, Hydroxodine--- and all their commercials are just awful. One script for Hydroxodine was recently purchased by Rosetta Stone, with the words (a "conversation" between a skeptical caller and a "helpful" operator) tweaked only slightly to sell a language program instead of facial cream. But a recent commercial for one product, Hydrolyze, especially irritates me because it seems to be offering some exclusive deal to only certain types of people, when in fact it's just offering the same chance to purchase their product to everyone willing to call their toll-free number.

The announcer tells us that "if you have bags under your eyes, or dark circles from blood pooling under the skin, you're eligible to participate in a free trial of Hydrolyze!" Hey, I've got bags under my eyes, and ocassional dark circles- so I'm eligible! Yay! And just in case I'm not sure, the word "participate" is used no less than FIVE TIMES during the commercial. Sounds like some kind of university study looking for volunteers to test their product for FREE, right? In fact, participants in this kind of study are usually PAID to try it. Count me in!

Oh, but wait: How, in fact, does one go about "participating" in this "free trial?" Turns out that if you call their 800 number, the Operator will take down your credit card number and your address, and you'll receive a starter kit for Hydrolyze for free- you just pay shipping and handling. And if after thirty days you aren't satisfied with the results, you can just send it back at your expense. If you don't send it back, you'll get MORE Hydrolyze in the mail- conveniently charged to your credit card, of course. And just in case you were wondering- at no point are you asked by anyone to prove that you have bags under your eyes or dark circles- in other words, your "eligibility" is never confirmed. Just your credit card number.

So--- what exactly are we participating in, again? The purchasing and usage of Hydrolyze, that's what. Wow, don't we feel special. Did you know that the last time you went to Burger King, you were "participating" in an "opportunity" to purchase junk food? Of course, that "opportunity" is contingent on your level of hunger and ability to pay- dark circles are not necessary.

More deceptive advertising- where would Satellite Radio be without it?


  1. These "you may be eligible" sales pitches thinly disguised as trials and tests remind me of Vince Offer, the Sham Wow and Slap Chop -- "if you call now, within the next 20 minutes, because we can't be doin' this all day..." Needless to say, those ads ALWAYS say that there's a deal to be had if you call within 20 minutes, and the supposed deal is never really over.

  2. Oh yeah, and Health CareOne, which claims to accept only 650 registrations per day- in fact, one of it's commercials starts "Health Care Warning: National Health Care Plan sets daily limits!"- first time I've ever heard a "warning" against the company that produced the commercial-- does anyone honestly believe that if you call at 6 PM EST you might get an operator telling you "sorry, we've reached our limit for today, please try again tomorrow?" Please!

    I want to call, let them go through their scripted speech, and then say "you know what, I dont want to take someone else's slot- please give coverage to the next caller, I'll call again tomorrow or the next day." And see what the operator says to that.

  3. What I just "love" is that you always have to call within 24 hours to receive your "free" sample! They will not let you know what size sample they are sending, thus yhe price of shipping and handling I believe is what they're after.

  4. That product SUCKS!! I've used it, and it seems like the dark circles are more NOTICABLE. What a WASTE of $7.95 for shipping. SCAM!!